Inner Fire Inner Calm

Focus

Cause and Effect

Being at Cause

One of the greatest insights I've ever had in relation to recovery from social anxiety and alcoholism is realising that in some way I was the cause of it.

The realisation that what I was perpetuating in my inner world against what was happening in the world against me was enhancing if not exaggerating the effect.

In essence I was a victim to the world! at effect of everything that was happening to me!

Have you ever had those thoughts "I can't get ahead because x", "If only the world was a kinder place then I'd be ok" or "They're the cause of all my pain!"

It's easy to cast blame to external events that change your plans or ideal outcome, or cause you pain or inconvenience.

However ....... and here's the kicker ..... The moment you blame anything outside of yourself you give power to it, and end any chance of you changing your circumstances!

What are you giving your power away to today?

Food for thought

Have an empowering day!

Steve :)

Focus

"The work works on you more than you it!"
Alex Hormozi

Probably one of my favourite quotes in recent times, I often reflect on it as I remember my journey into recovery from alcohol addiction and overcoming social anxiety

Another one that relates in a different frame is "It takes years to become on overnight success"

Everybody is on a developmental journey, and it takes many steps to become the person you want to become, if you think about it, it took many experiences and steps to become the person that you are now.

So, on your journey to where you're trying to get as an individual take time to be kind and patient, and pause and thank the person who got you where you are now because the version of you now is going to get you, step by step to the person you dream to be :)

Focus Day 1

Have you ever said to yourself when this happens then i'll do this, this comes up a lot in my coaching and indeed I've been guilty of it many times in my life ..... the ironic thing and its been a hard won lesson for me is that sometimes, or i should say very often in your journey of becoming the person you want to be is that the cart has to come before the horse ..... you have to do the thing that you want to become! ...... something to be mindful of when you say when things get better i'll be successful or a similar version flip it and act as if! ...... To your best .... Steve :)

Focus Pt 2

Are you always seeing the dark side of your life, having a problem for every solution, seeing the downside to every upside, like everything is a disaster waiting to happen?

If you were anything like me that sort of thinking ruled my life, I was a real victim to everything in my life, life was so unfair, and nothing ever went right, and everybody was getting everything except me, ....... and rightly so with that sort of thinking people would avoid me like the plague, except of course those that as the saying goes "misery loves company" wanted to reinforce that sort of worldview.

This sort of thinking really exacerbated the social anxiety symptoms that I embodied during my youth and as you can image did nothing for a quality experience of life until things got so bad where I ended up in a drug and rehab and things slowly ..... then I had a light bulb moment which only really emerged as a full blown realisation or principle until many years later, it started out as affirmations, now I'm not necessarily a huge fan of affirmations and that is a story for another post, but I was so desperate for change that I challenged myself to do affirmations everyday for a month, and I was absolutely amazed at the shift afterwards of doing them at every opportunity I could during those times.

So what was the shift or difference that made the difference? Focus! while the affirmations where a vehicle and have value what shifted really was what I was looking at, initially I was deeply problem focused, the practice of the affirmations trained my mind/brain to look at things from a different perspective, looking at opportunities or solution and the repetitions allowed it to stick, after that I was able to make a choice between problem or solution, and they say people make the best choice they have available to them.

There's a lot of value in a gratitude practice and in that practice the principle is your training your brain/mind to think in a different way, to see things in a different perspective and can be applied to any situation, just that shift can open up a completely different world. In regards to the anxiety I was focusing on it went from how this was going to be a terrible experience to imagining how i was going to grow, how brave I was for going through this, who I was going to become .... how I was going to evolve into something more!

What are you focusing on, problems or solutions?

Steve :)

07 January 2025

New Years Resolutions – Focus pt 1

Have you ever felt like you’ve been torn in different directions, having so many distractions that you couldn’t concentrate on anything for more than a few moments before being ambushed by the many random distractions of modern life?

Its no wonder that most people give up on there resolutions by the first month with so many environment distractions that modern life throws at us, emails, the television, our phones etc it’s a wonder we get anything done at all!

Take our phones for instance, research suggests that on average people check there phones upwards of 200 times a day, and I was certainly one of those people, and that wasn’t counting the constant interruptions from the notifications that I was getting. I remember being highly entertained when I did a presentation on this to a group where a person basically said that’s ridiculous and then when I sat down to enjoy the other presenters watched her check her phone at least twenty times in the next half an hour.

We as humans have a threshold on how much we can hold our attention during the day, some people call this will power, I prefer to call it attention endurance but you can imagine if you attention is continually dragged off what you are doing, and there is a cost for switching tasks just how much you could be doing a being deeply immersed in what your doing as opposed to being distracted every few seconds, how much more attention could you put to the change that you want or the important things in life?

I don’t know that the answer is for you, but for me I’ve turned off all the notifications on my phone, and my phone is now on do not disturb and I feel so much better for it, I create a specific time to chunk my call so I feel refreshed and give them the time and attention they deserve rather than trying to concentrate on two things at once.

I hope this insight is of interest for you as its been a game changer for me to the point where I’ve even stopped watching mainstream media and only engage with it at a time of my choosing, my mental health has improved dramatically and I have so much more clarity in my thinking and am not swayed anywhere as easily as I was by the ever ending news cycle of doom and gloom. I’ve created my own sanctum of peace.

To your best self!

Steve 😊

06 Jan 2026

New Years Resolutions – Systems and Compounding

I was just reflecting after yesterday on my video around Identity and acting as if you are that character or attitude and how that can begin to align your resources to help you in an empowering way.

Another very empowering lesson I’ve learnt is around systems from the author James Clearly of “Atomic Habits” and that’s creating systems that help you by creating small steps that lead to big changes overall, one of the examples he has is if you want to go running make it nearly impossible to not do it but removing as much of the resistance to the act or chunking that act down to the smallest act so that its nearly impossible not to do, like putting your running shoes at the base of your bed so that they’re right there when you get up, or making the goal that you just have to turn up at the gym, or preparing that healthy breakfast before you go to bed so that its there when you get out of bed and your less likely to reach for that thing your trying not to do!

I heard a story that helps me with this and its also tied to compounding, The story is by T. Harv Eker about running a circus, as he was applying it to running a business, he says that you can only train one pony at a time, but when you’ve train that pony the rest become easier with each one and before your know it your training the trapeze artists and then the lion trainers etc and are the ring leader! Charlie Munger once said “Compounding interest is the eight wonder of the modern world, don’t do anything to interrupt it!”

I’ll leave you with another great saying I’ve heard from another great Self Development Guru Dr John D. Martini

“Mile by Mile it’s a Trial, Inch by Inch it’s a Sinch!”

To your best self!

Steve 😊

05 Dec 2026

New Years Resolutions – Identity

Have you ever tried to implement some change in your life and it seems like it got outrightly rejected by you, or you couldn’t even go through the process it just seemed, even though you know it would be good for you, just too alien?

What might be happening is that you as a person or Identity may be outrightly saying that this is just not “ME”! One of my favourite quotes in self-development or change work is by Anthony Robbins, who says “The most powerful psychological force in humans is to remain consistent with who we think we are”, literally all our belief systems about who we think we are and can do are working against us if what we are doing is do far out of who we think we are.

A great example of this is why smokers often have a hard time quitting smoking because they have the Identity of a smoker lived out through history and habit.

So what’s the fix? Luckily we humans are adaptably and resourceful, and a concept that I’ve found very helpful in many areas of change especially confidence and attitude shift is to “Act as If” but not only act as if they but change your focus and thinking to fit the circumstances, in a sense take on the identity of that character. For instance if you have trouble connecting with people presuppose “familiarity” like meeting long lost friend. If you have trouble with confidence, change your physiology and presuppose that people are seeing your good quality’s, and your body and mind will, even if there limited line up the resources you have to help you live that way of being, and the interesting thing is as you practice it you become better at it and the better you get the easier you get until it just becomes you.

Research has found that people who quit substance abuse such as smoking and alcohol, the ones who are most successful are the ones who say “No I don’t smoke!” literally taking on a new identity.

I hope that helps and gives you some insight on your journey to your best self.

Steve 😊

04 Dec 2026

New Years Resolutions – Smell the Roses

Have you ever been grinding or really concentrating on trying to get a new habit in your life, and feel like its just not happening and its really an uphill battle, what if I told you that change emerges when you stop and allow your system to readjust?

One of the most interesting things I’ve found on my journey out of drug and alcohol dependency and becoming more resourceful was that most change emerged after I’d stopped trying to force it, as in stopped trying to make it happen. I’d been practicing and practicing and wondering why it wasn’t sticking and then after breaking from it such as going on holiday or the weekend and then magically it just seemed to happen.

What I realised is that we especially us humans are always in process, creatures of habits and live busy lives, paying bills, working, going to and fro, which doesn’t leave much space for other processes such as habits we’re trying to integrate within us to settle in and start operating automatically and while we’re toiling away. There’s this cool concept in the fitness space which applies around anything like this called supercompensation, which basically means that we don’t get fit from working out but from afterwards when you stop and your body/mind recovers and adapts to the new stimulus as in super compensates.

So on your way to becoming more resourceful and it doesn’t seem to be happening for you, you might need to just step back and allow your system to readjust and in the meantime …… smell the roses!

To your best self

Steve 😊

03 Jan 2026

New Years Resolutions – Setting the Bar

Have you ever set a New Years Resolution and fallen flat only to be deflated and disheartened thinking why bother, I can’t change!

Research says depending on where you source it from that most people, upwards of 90% have given up on their New Years Resolution by the end of the first month. To be honest this is not that surprising, why well you’re working against the you who’s been doing the other thing (behaviours) for well forever. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from becoming a new person or taking on a new habit is that perhaps we might be setting the bar too high initially to a point that we don’t have the micro skills and habits to be able to sustain that new habit, to coin a phrase its just a bridge too far!

A great analogy I heard about creating new habits is that you might need to build a bridge to the new habit, that is build skills and habits that get you too the new habit and set the bar at sustainable level of challenge and as you succeed with each step or each stage of the bridge you are creating a self sustainable way forward that will serve you well into the future, making change a no brainer!

I hope this helps you on your journey to a new and improved you!