Fallon Farinacci

The day my world came crashing down

You’d think after having lived through my parents death’s I couldn’t feel a rock bottom again.
I thought I knew what pain & loss were until September 22/2004.
I thought I had lost everything I could ever lose.

Standing on my older brother Carson’s front lawn looking family members staring back at me as I screamed “who is it Carson or Nannie?!”
Not knowing who I wanted their faces of sadness to be missing more, my grandma or my brother.
Their silence felt like forever until my cousin Shane decided he would brave the screams that he knew would leave my body.

That was the moment I lost another version of myself.

His name left his mouth, Carson.

We go through life scared of losing our loved ones, so when we do, you’d think our brain would be prepared to handle the loss.

But, no.

Your mind, heart, & body can’t catch up.
You’re mind reminds you over & over - they are gone & you will never see them again.
Then you fight those thoughts trying to make sense of it, & it all comes flooding back.

You start to compile an ‘I wish list’.
I wish, I had called him the night before.
I had stopped by before I went out.
I had told him I loved him more.
I had seen the signs.
& the hardest one, I wish I had one more day with him.

Nothing prepares you for the death of your brother, especially when you didn’t see the warning signs.

Losing a loved one as a result of unresolved trauma is soul crushing, all you wonder is
What if?!
What if he didn’t have to experience what he did in the first place?!
What if he had mental health support?!
What if he didn’t have the rug pulled out from under him at 17, left to deal with everything?!

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him.

& there will never be a day that goes by that I won’t see the exact correlation between his su***de & battle with mental health as a direct connection to the failed systems that were supposed to protect him.

No one chooses su***de unless they feel that the end result is better than what they are currently battling.

September 22nd should be just a normal day, but the privilege of it being just another day was ripped away in 2004.

She’s just a girl in denim & lace

Fit by BRUNETTE the label || gifted

Find me where the wild ones are

Yesterday’s Human Library Experience was filled with the kind of real conversation that fills your soul and lights it on fire!

Two Feet Apart did such an incredible job at bringing folks together to connect on a deep level and see each other for the people we really are!

I’m looking forward to Patra taking the Human Library on the road for so many more to experience it!

Less transaction and more connecting!!

PS I love these humans!!!

No more surface level stuff, we want more

Hard to believe that 4 years ago these two souls would FINALLY meet after chatting online for months and forming a friendship. We connected on a soul level from the beginning, having deep meaningful conversations both on & offline.

Who knew that one of our shared interests, the desire to attend a Human Library experience would be something that we’d get to experience together 4 years later!!

If you are free tomorrow & are looking for a unique experience, then join us at the:

Open Book: A Human Library Experience and Community Experience
At: KW Famous Creative Cafe
Kitchener, Ontario
3:30-6:30pm

Tickets are linked in my stories
Code: FALLON

Patra & Two Feet Apart have thought of every detail for this event. You will truly be missing out if you skip out on attending. You’ll leave attending this gathering having heard from different folks life experiences, stories to reflect on and a new community of people that you’ve connected with on a deep personal level (not this surface level stuff so many people are getting used too)

Hope to see some of your faces tomorrow 🫶🏻

Paris is for lovers

Because this is also my digital scrapbook & I want every special moment to live on my feed so I can remember living the moments I once dreamt of.

Reliving the last night my lover & I had together in Paris and our last morning in the city of love when we celebrated 20 years with a lock and two keys.

We will always have Paris my love.

Versailles had me at Bonjour

Paris is for lovers

I wonder if they’ll Airbnb this?

Just a girl & a garden

Made for the French countryside

I really need to step up my garden next year

A dream to kiss my lover in France

Jaw dropping art around every corner

Oui oui

I’ll take my coffee in bed

We really all just want a couple chickens at the end of the day

🥐🥂🍓🍰

He’s just a boy 🥹

If you need me I’ll be journaling in the gardens

Madame your bedroom is a bit extra

🫶🏻

All that glitter

View goals

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