Autability

Every child has a “tell” - a bit like in poker. I’m talking about a sign which says their nervous system is calm enough to receive the experience of life.

In the case of my son, it’s the ability to have sun cream put on him. Showering is a close second as the most accurate way to see how stressed out he really is. This time last year he couldn’t manage to allow me to help him at all and only just about managed to rub in the tiniest bit on his skin, if any.

He’s spent the last year out of school and whilst it has been a huge struggle, the effect on his sensory and nervous systems is crystal clear. They’re calmer. More regulated. Despite being in a special school due to multiple difficulties, the environment was completely wrong for him. He spent most days in a form of active shutdown, by which I mean he was responding to instructions and taking part in activities on a surface level, but he was taking absolutely none of it in. His brain was saturated with sensory overload, his body poised for fight or flight, where he would switch between the two. Time at home was spent in his bedroom with the curtains closed, only coming out occasionally, if at all. He required a space with absolutely no input whatsoever except for that which he found regulating.

When your child struggles to communicate verbally or is entirely non verbal, you rely on other signs to interpret how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking. At the start of Parenting Rewired (our first published book) we talk about humbling yourself as the parent/carer and being prepared to learn an entirely new language. Words might not mean the same, body language must be interpreted a lot more often.

If you’re not sure how to start this, keep a diary of behaviours and what you were doing before the behaviour started. Remember that some reactions are delayed and to become truly regulated can take days, weeks or longer. If you need help, you can find templates in the free download section on the Autability website. Link in the comments.

This has been posted on both the Autability and The Autism & ADHD Diaries.

It’s not my weekend to have Kiddo but his Dad just sent me a message making me the proudest mum alive!

They went for a drive thru, and Kiddo asked to eat in! It was noisy and he didn’t have his ear defenders but he insisted. So they went for it. And he did it. And loved it!!

I am beaming right now! And what an incredible Dad for being that safe space for Kiddo to allow him to try something out of his usual comfort zone.

Kiddo had a huge meltdown yesterday, so this achievement surprised his Dad. But people often forget that meltdowns are clearing. And when they’re finished they so often provide a sense of calm and regulation that is so natural, we almost don’t know any other way to recreate it in a world that is usually so overloading.

So don’t ever think a recent meltdown always means rest is needed (sometimes it does). Sometimes it means now is the time to try something a little extra ❤️