Jammed Pages

Mapait pa rin pala ang alak kahit may Coke at may tsitsirya.

Kahit kaunti lang, kahit mas marami ang hinalo,
nandoon pa rin ang guhit sa lalamunan.

Nandoon ang hapdi
na mapapapikit ka.

At sa pagpikit mo,

babalik ka sa simula.

Sa kung saan ang pwede ay pwede pa,
at kung saan ang pagkapit
ay may naghihintay na umaga.

Makikita mo nang malinaw ang mga alaala—
ang mga ngiti niya
at kung paano ka nito napasaya.

Maaaninag mo ang mga oras na masaya kayo,
sa mga tawag,
sa mga mensahe,
sa mga sandaling kahit magkalayo,
parang magkatabi pa rin kayo.

At masusulyapan mo
ang dahan-dahan niyang pag-alis.

Hindi biglaan.
Hindi maingay.

Parang unti-unting humihina
ang boses sa kabilang linya,
umiikli ang mga mensahe,
at dumadalang ang mga salitang dati'y
hindi ninyo kailangang pilitin.

Hanggang sa isang araw,
mapapansin mong
wala na pala siyang hinihintay.

At ikaw,
nakapikit pa rin,

umaasang kapag dumilat ka,
babalik ang lahat
sa kung saan nagsimula.

Pero hindi.

Nangalahati na ang bote,
pero sa tingin ko,
'di mauubos ang pait.

Siguro may mga sandaling
kahit ilang bote pa ang maitumba ko,
kahit isuka ko pa ang nanahang paruparo
sa sikmura,

at itawil sa isip ng pagkahilo
ang mga nahabing tula para sa kanya,

may isang alaala
na hindi nito malulunod.

At iyon ang pinakamapait.

PAGKALUNOD SA SHIREBOUND AND BUSKING
Jammed Pages
8-20-2026

I used to wait for falling stars.

To make a wish.
To wish for you.
For you to stay.
To stay until midnight.
Until midnight, I realized...

In this vast universe, there has always been a galaxy.

Yet I kept chasing every falling star,
believing that enough wishes could change
what destiny had already written.

So I gathered them,
every fading light,
every unanswered prayer,

every hope that vanished before it reached the morning.

Until, without realizing it,
they formed a galaxy.

A galaxy made entirely of you.

You're more enchanting than the Milky Way.

For the Milky Way
was born of dust,
gas,
and ancient light.

But you...

You were born
of my unanswered prayers,
my endless what ifs,
the happiness,
and the uncertainty you left behind.

You became the universe
I could only admire from afar.

Close enough to believe in.
Too distant to ever belong to.

Still,

I loved you
the way gravity
loves the stars.

One day,
astronomers may discover that galaxy.

They will call it beautiful.

No one will ever know
it is only the graveyard
of every wish
I made for you.

The Milky Way belongs to the universe.

The galaxy I made belongs only to grief.

Every star in it
bears a wish.

Yet even an entire galaxy
wasn't enough
to bring you back.

WHERE DO FALLING STARS GO?
Jammed Pages
05-08-2026

PHOTO: Arra Nass

Kung may salitang makapaglalarawan sa'yo, hahanapin ko. Kung wala, isusulat ko.

May mga damdaming hindi kayang ikulong sa iisang wika. May mga pangungulilang walang sapat na katumbas, mga pag-ibig na hindi magkasya sa isang salita, at mga pamamaalam na hindi natatapos sa isang tuldok.

Kaya nanghiram ako ng mga salitang Hapones. Hindi upang gawing banyaga ang aking damdamin, kundi upang mabigyang-pangalan ang mga bagay na matagal ko nang nararamdaman.

Ngunit sa paglipas ng bawat pahina, isang katotohanan ang paulit-ulit na bumabalik:

Bawat salita ay may kahulugan.

At sa bawat kahulugan...

ikaw.

HAPO(N): Mga Isinaling Damdamin

They told me to let you go.

To forget your name.

To bury every memory
that still carried your existence.

I told them I would.

Perhaps that was easier
than explaining the truth.

I never let you go.

I gathered every fragment of you—

every smile,

every silence,

every goodbye,

every version of us
that still lived inside my heart—

and I turned them into a flame.

A crimson flame.

It never asked to be fed.

It simply refused to die.

There are nights
it keeps me warm,

reminding me
that I was once loved.

There are mornings
it burns through my chest,

reminding me
that I can never hold you again.

It is both my comfort
and my punishment.

People believe
I have finally moved on.

They never realized

I made your existence
a part of my own.

I carry you

not in my hands,

not in photographs,

not in words—

but within the fire
that still burns inside me.

I will never extinguish it.

Not because I cannot.

But because some flames
are never meant to disappear.

They are meant to become

the light...

and the wound...

a man chooses
to carry forever.

KURENAI
Jammed Pages
10-7-2026

I consumed the Tetsugan
believing it would save me.

Steel replaced my flesh.

My body no longer yielded
to pain.

Every wound
became easier to bear.

Every scar
became another layer
of iron.

But the Tetsugan
forgot one thing.

It never reached my heart.

While my body
grew harder with time,

my heart
remained painfully mortal.

It still searched for you.

It still waited.

It still loved you.

Even as the steel
around it
began to rust.

People see strength.

They see a man
who cannot be broken.

They never hear

the fragile heart

beating inside
an iron shell,

loving you

with every heartbeat

the rust
has yet to claim.

TETSUGAN
Jammed Pages
7-7-2026

You were never
the lightning.

You were
the current.

The invisible force
that found its way
through every nerve,
every thought,
every heartbeat.

I could have
let you go.

I knew
what it was
doing to me.

I knew
every memory
was stealing
another piece
of my life.

Still...

I held on.

Not because
I believed
you would return.

But because
losing you

felt far more terrifying

than losing myself.

Perhaps
that is the true curse
of Raijin.

It does not kill you
all at once.

It simply
makes every heartbeat

belong

to someone

who is no longer there.

RAIJIN
Jammed Pages
7-7-2026

They said

three blows

were enough

to awaken the demon.

I lost count.

I have been struck
by absence,
by silence,
by memories,
by hope,
by every version
of goodbye.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Yet no horns grew.

No stone covered my skin.

No monster
ever took my place.

I remained...

painfully human.

Perhaps
that is my punishment.

Not becoming a demon,

but surviving
every wound
with a heart
that refuses to die.

So while others
fear the Oni,

I fear something worse.

A man
who walks through hell

and still

carries love

like a prayer

that will never
be answered.

ONI
Jammed Pages
6-7-2026

You never promised forever.

Yet I heard it
in every "good morning."

You never asked me to wait.

Yet every "see you soon"
became a lifetime.

That is the curse
of Kotodama.

Words do not disappear.

They become illusions
strong enough
to feel like reality.

So I kept talking to you
inside my head.

I answered questions
you never asked.

I replayed conversations
that never happened.

I built an entire world
out of the echoes
you accidentally left behind.

People say I should wake up.

But this illusion
is the closest place
where you still exist.

If breaking the spell
means losing your voice forever...

Then let me remain
inside these beautiful lies.

KOTODAMA
Jammed Pages
5-7-2026

They asked me
why I never took the mask off.

They thought
I had lost my will.

That my mind
was too weak
to resist its curse.

They were wrong.

I could have removed it
the very first day.

I simply chose not to.

Because every time
I wear this mask,

I can still feel
the echo of your existence.

Not your voice.

Not your touch.

Just enough of you
to convince my heart
that you were never truly gone.

So I let it become
my face.

Not because it controls me,

but because I refuse
to let go
of the last place
where you still remain.

They call it a curse.

I call it remembrance.

And if taking this mask off
means losing
every memory
that still bears your name,

then let it stay.

Let it become
the face I die with.

For if death
is the only thing
that can separate me
from what remains of you...

Then let death
be the one
to remove my mask.

BAKŪJO
Jammed Pages
4-7-2026