IVF this Coaching

Infertility can make you question far more than whether you’ll have a baby.

It can make you question who you are.

Why am I so angry?

Why am I jealous?

Why can’t I be happy for her?

Why am I avoiding people?

Why don’t I recognise myself anymore?

And sometimes those questions turn into something much harsher:

“Maybe I’m selfish.”

“Maybe I’m bitter.”

“Maybe I’m ungrateful.”

“Maybe I’m weak.”

But there is a huge difference between experiencing an emotion and deciding that emotion tells you who you are.

Feeling jealous doesn’t make you a jealous person.

Feeling resentment doesn’t make you bitter.

Needing a boundary doesn’t make you selfish.

Struggling doesn’t make you weak.

You are having a human response to an extraordinarily difficult experience.

You don’t need to turn that experience into evidence against yourself. 🤍

🎧 Episode 207 of the IVF This Podcast explores the emotional terrain of identity, alongside grief, anticipation and hope. Listen to the episode and browse hundreds more whenever you need support through your fertility journey.

“I thought I was doing better.”

And then someone announces a pregnancy.

Or your cycle gets cancelled.

Or you see a baby when you’re having a perfectly normal Tuesday.

And suddenly you’re overwhelmed with grief, anger, jealousy or sadness.

Then comes the second wave:

“Why am I reacting like this? I thought I’d worked through this.”

But here’s the thing:

Your healing didn’t disappear.

You haven’t gone back to square one.

You haven’t failed.

You may have simply walked into different emotional terrain.

The tools that helped you before might not be the tools you need today.

And that’s okay. ❤️

You don’t have to judge yourself for where you are.

First, you just need to understand where you are.

🎧 Listen to The New IVF This Framework on the IVF This Podcast for a completely different way of understanding the emotional experience of infertility.

“Feel your feelings.”

Okay.

But... how? 🤷‍♀️

We’re so often told to feel our emotions, process them and sit with them - as though that’s a simple instruction we’ve all been taught how to follow.

But what do you actually do when you’re devastated?

When you’re jealous of your pregnant friend?

When your transfer has failed?

When you’re terrified about your next appointment?

When the feeling gets bigger instead of smaller?

You might not need another reminder to “feel your feelings”.

You might need to learn how to stay with yourself while you’re feeling them.

That’s a skill.

And it’s one we can actually learn.

🎧 I talk about this in Episode 207 of the IVF This Podcast, The New IVF This Framework. Listen now, or explore hundreds of other episodes covering the emotional side of infertility.

Maybe you’re not bad at coping.

Maybe you’ve just walked into different terrain.

Infertility isn’t one emotional experience. You can move through grief, anticipation, hope and identity - sometimes all within the same IVF cycle.

You can feel hopeful one day and devastated the next.

You can think you’re doing brilliantly, then a pregnancy announcement knocks the wind out of you.

That doesn’t mean you’ve gone backwards.

It doesn’t mean your healing isn’t working.

It doesn’t mean you’re failing at infertility.

It might simply mean that what you’re experiencing has changed - and you need something different now.

Before asking, “What should I do?”

Try asking:

Where am I?

Because different terrain requires different tools. 🧭

🎧 Listen to Episode 207, The New IVF This Framework, on the IVF This Podcast and discover hundreds of other episodes to support you through infertility and IVF.

Infertility involves an absolutely obscene amount of:

“I don’t know yet.”

I don’t know how many eggs we’ll get.

I don’t know how many will fertilise.

I don’t know if we’ll get embryos.

I don’t know if it’s euploid.

I don’t know if the transfer worked.

I don’t know what that symptom means.

I don’t know what happens next.

So your brain tries to solve the uncertainty.

Google. Reddit. Symptom spotting. Probability calculations. Replaying conversations. Plans A through fu***ng Q.

Not because you’re irrational.

Because your brain is desperately trying to find certainty where certainty does not yet exist.

That’s the terrain of anticipation.

And the question isn’t:

“How do I make sure everything turns out okay?”

It’s:

How do I live inside “I don’t know yet” without abandoning myself while I’m here?

🎧 The New IVF This Framework is out now.

“I thought I was doing better.”

And then someone announces a pregnancy.

Your transfer gets cancelled.

You see a baby at Target.

A date you thought you’d be pregnant by comes and goes.

And suddenly you’re right back in it.

So your brain decides:

Clearly, all that work I’ve done isn’t working.

But what if you’re not back at square one?

What if your healing didn’t disappear?

What if you simply walked into different emotional terrain?

Infertility moves us through grief, anticipation, hope, and identity.

And feeling something deeply when the terrain changes doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means you’re human. 🤍

🎧 This week on IVF This: The New IVF This Framework.

Hope and anticipation are not the same thing.

Anticipation says:
I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Hope says:
I know what I WANT to happen.

And after infertility has hurt you enough times, wanting something can start to feel fu***ng dangerous.

So you make rules.

Don’t get too excited.

Don’t calculate the due date.

Don’t think about names.

Don’t imagine telling your family.

Expect the worst so you’re prepared.

Because maybe if you hope 30% less now, it’ll hurt 30% less later.

Except grief doesn’t work like emotional maths.

Hope isn’t certainty.

Hope isn’t manifestation.

Hope isn’t promising yourself everything will work out.

Sometimes hope is simply:

I want this. And I don’t know if I get to have it.

🎧 This week on IVF This: The New IVF This Framework.

Maybe you’re not bad at coping with infertility.

Maybe you’ve just walked into different terrain.

Infertility isn’t one emotional experience. It’s grief. Anticipation. Hope. Identity. And each one asks something different of you.

We spend so much time asking:

“What should I do?”
“How do I stop feeling this way?”
“What coping skill should I use?”

But there’s a question that needs to come first:

Where am I?

Because different terrain requires different tools.

And sometimes realizing, Oh. This is grief.

Or, This is anticipation. I’m trying desperately to know something I cannot know yet.

…is enough to stop turning your pain into evidence that you’re doing infertility wrong.

This is the new IVF This Framework.

Not another way to cope correctly.

A MAP. 🗺️

🎧 New episode of IVF This is out now.

IVF can make you feel like you’ve handed over control of your entire life.

Your clinic tells you when to come in.

Your body decides how you respond to medication.

Your scan determines what happens next.

Your blood test determines whether you move forward.

And suddenly, it can feel like everyone else has the power except you.

But there are still things that belong to you. ✨

You can decide what information you consume.

You can set boundaries.

You can ask questions.

You can say no.

You can decide how much of your life revolves around treatment.

You can decide what you need from the people around you.

You may not be able to control the outcome.

But that doesn’t mean you’ve lost all of your power.

🎧 The IVF This Podcast explores the emotional and psychological side of fertility treatment, including the power dynamics that can show up during IVF. Listen to the latest episode and explore hundreds more.

Can I say something that might feel uncomfortable?

Having a baby won’t automatically fix everything. 🤍

It won’t necessarily repair a relationship.

It won’t erase the anxiety you’ve experienced.

It won’t magically give you back the years you spent struggling with infertility.

And it won’t undo everything your body and mind have been through.

That’s not to say having a baby isn’t deeply wanted or life-changing.

It absolutely can be.

But your life, your relationship and your emotional wellbeing deserve attention now - not only once you finally get the outcome you’re hoping for.

You don’t have to put your entire life on hold until you become a parent.

You are still a whole person in this chapter.

And you deserve to take care of her, too. 🌱

🎧 This is one of the conversations explored on the IVF This Podcast. Listen to the episode and discover hundreds of others supporting you through infertility and fertility treatment.