Almost Awake
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Unlearning survival. Waking up real. Psychedelic healing, alcohol moderation, trauma truth, & raw emotional honesty.
š https://almostawakeadam.carrd.co
Sitting in Starbucks. Working. Completely fine.
Construction across the street starts sending this low vibration through the building. Through my entire body
My conscious brain: nothing to worry about.
My nervous system: Nope. Absolutely fu***ng not.
Dysregulation is weird like that. Sometimes your body has a reaction long before your brain has any idea what the f**k is going on. Anyways, Iām heading home š
08/17/2026
Turns out āf**k itā is not an effective emotional regulation strategy.
For a long timeā¦. it was one of mine.
I wasnāt intentionally trying to burn everything down. I just wanted whatever I was feeling right then to stop.
So I drank. I ran. I blew s**t up. I made decisions that felt completely reasonable ā¦ for about 30 seconds.
Learning to sit inside an uncomfortable feeling without immediately doing something to escape it has probably been some of the hardest work of my life.
Still working on it.
A few years ago, I wouldāve left something like this feeling irritated, anxious, or completely drained without realizing I was just overstimulated.
These days I catch it a lot sooner.
Sometimes the healthiest thing I can do isnāt push through. Itās recognizing Iāve hit my limit and calling it a day.
I used to think overthinking meant I cared.
That if I could just analyze it from one more angle Iād finally find the answer.
But most of the time all I found was a more exhausted version of myself.
Iām learning that not every uncomfortable feeling needs to be solved.
Sometimes it just needs to be carried with a little more kindness.
For me, today that looks like sitting on the deckā¦ watching the hummingbirds and a group of deer and letting myself remember that not every moment has to be spent trying to figure everything out.
Itās a strange feeling.
Having a good memoryā¦ and still not being able to remember entire chapters of your own life.
I used to think that meant something was wrong with me.
Now I think it says more about what I was carrying than who I was.
These days, Iām just grateful I finally get to be present for my own life.
07/28/2026
Itās wild how often anxiety sounds less like panic and more like a really convincing notification from your brain.
These days I usually just laugh, check my list once, and get back to living.
Still learning that not every thought deserves my attention.
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