Nicole Ledezma

I love this version of us. Wholesome, goofy, always being witty with each other, and never needing much to have a good time.

You really are my other half. My husband, my favorite person, and the one whose weird fits mine perfectly. 😂❤️

Today the room was packed. So many families, so many conversations, so much going on around us.

But sitting next to you, somehow none of it reaches me.

It’s like the world knows when I’m with you to turn its volume down.

A whole room full of people, and somehow you’re still the only person I see.

Maybe that’s what home really is.

Not a place.

Just the one person who can make a crowded room feel quiet. 🖤

Silence isn’t abandonment, and I think some people really need to learn that when it comes to adult friendships.

I cannot do friendships where someone gets mad because you didn’t “check on them” enough. I’m sorry, but we are adults. We have lives. We have families. We have relationships. We have jobs. We have responsibilities. We have our own problems, our own stress, and sometimes our own s**t quietly falling apart behind the scenes.

Being your friend does not mean I am responsible for constantly monitoring your emotional wellbeing. It doesn’t mean I’m going to notice every time something is wrong, call every day, ask what happened, or constantly make sure you’re okay. If you call me and I have the capacity to be there, I’ll listen. I’ll talk to you. I’ll sit through the drama, the tears, the venting, the same story for the 47th time because that’s what friends do. But that does NOT mean you are entitled to constant access to me.

And what really gets me is when someone takes a few days of silence and somehow uses that to erase all the times you WERE there. Suddenly none of that counts because you didn’t check in during the exact moment they decided you should have.

Sometimes I don’t answer the phone. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking. Sometimes I’m dealing with my own s**t. Sometimes my attention needs to be on my husband, my family, my work, or MYSELF. None of that requires an explanation or an apology.

If you need somebody, communicate. The phone works both ways. Friendship is mutual. But expecting your friends to constantly check on you and then getting angry when they don’t meet an expectation you never communicated is exhausting.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but I need grown ass friendships. No scorekeeping. No guilt trips. No silent friendship tests. No measuring somebody’s loyalty by how many times their name showed up on your phone that week.

Sometimes your friend is quiet because they have a whole fu***ng life happening too. And realizing that not everything is about you is part of being an adult. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Set those boundaries girl! 🫶🏼

Sometimes I think, I can’t live this life anymore.

The lonely days and lonely nights.
The visits that never feel long enough.
The calls I wait all day to answer.
The same routines, the same goodbyes, the same ache of wishing my husband was simply home.

There is so much repetition in this life that people on the outside don’t see. Loving someone through walls takes a kind of strength I didn’t know I had. You carry love, loneliness, hope, frustration, faith, and heartbreak all at the same time. And some days, it gets heavy.

Some days I’m tired of being strong.
I don’t want another phone call. I want his voice in the room.
I don’t want another visit. I want to wake up next to him.
I don’t want to keep saying goodbye. I just want an ordinary life with my husband.

And there are days when I genuinely wonder how much longer my heart can keep doing this.

Then I look into his eyes.

And I remember.

That man is why I answer every call.
Why I count down to every visit.
Why I keep showing up.
Why I find strength on days when I swear I have none left.

Because as much as this life hurts, I yearn for him more than I yearn for an easier life.

So yes, sometimes I think I can’t do this anymore.

And then I look at my SUGA BOOGA and somehow… I do. ❤️‍🩹

Again and again, until the day I don’t have to anymore.

Labor Day weekend with my SUGA BOOGA 🥰❤️

Got to see my man today, aggravate him in person, take our little picture, and mind our married business. 😂

There’s something about being with the person you love that makes your whole nervous system recognize, there you are. 🤎

For a few hours today, the rest of the world got quiet.

Just me, my HUSBAND, and that feeling of being exactly where I belong. 🥹

Of course he does cheesy photo poses with me 😂❤️

Even when there’s a whole line of people standing there waiting for us to take the picture. 😂

Do it for the Gram, baby. 📸😂❤️