FRRAW

🚨 FALL RIVER RAW — SATIRE 🚨

The South Main Street fire has now been linked to the superstorm that dumped up to eight inches of rain on the area.

According to the city’s Department of Explaining S**t Until You Stop Asking Questions, the rain drained into the Taunton River to replace water evaporated by the data center.

Then, by reverse proxy, all that water leaving caused a “dehydration period,” which caused the buildings to catch fire.

That’s right, folks. It rained so fu***ng hard that everything got too dry.

“We understand this sounds confusing,” an imaginary city spokesperson explained. “But once you stop understanding water, it makes perfect sense.”

Residents are advised to stay hydrated during floods and keep a fire extinguisher next to their sump pump. 🔥🌊

🦃 TWO GUYS AT THANKSGIVING, BOTH PRETENDING THEY HATE TRUMP SO THEIR WIVES AND IN-LAWS DON’T TURN DINNER INTO A FU***NG SENATE HEARING.

Neither knows the other voted for him.

“Trump’s unbelievable.”

“Oh, absolutely. Unbelievable.”

“Can’t believe people voted for that guy.”

“Crazy, right?”

Both thinking: Just agree. Eat the turkey. Keep the marriage.

Then one leans closer.

“Between us… I actually voted for him.”

The other grins. “Me too, you bastard.”

Finally, somebody they can talk to. They spend the next twenty minutes whispering while Aunt Karen explains how the cranberry sauce is threatened by fascism.

Then one says, “But honestly, I really do hate Trump now.”

The other puts down his fork, grabs his coat, and kisses his wife.

“Where are you going? We haven’t had pie!”

“I can handle pretending I hate Trump to get through Thanksgiving. I’m not sitting here listening to somebody who fu***ng means it.” 😂🦃

Coward took himself out of the game , didn’t snitch. I’ll toss him that

Honest question: Why does it sometimes seem people on Facebook are more devastated over losing a pet than losing a parent, grandparent, or sibling?

Is it because that pet was there every day—no arguments, no judgment, just unconditional love? Or are we confusing what people post with what they actually feel?

Have you lost both? Which grief hit you harder, and why? 👇🐈‍⬛💨

🚨 RAW SATIRE: HEALEY’S NEW “20 MILES AND YOU’RE DONE” PLAN 🚨

Massachusetts lawmakers are drafting legislation making it ILLEGAL to drive more than 20 miles per day. After that? Surcharges, mileage taxes, and a financial colonoscopy. 🚗💸

Live 25 miles from work? Start walking the last five. Your commute is now a state-sponsored fitness program.

“We all need to make sacrifices,” the governor announced from the back of a taxpayer-funded SUV.

Massachusetts: where they want you to go electric, then tax you for going anywhere. 🤣

KETO Lulu !

🚨 FALL RIVER RAW BREAKING 🚨

The City of Fall River has reportedly discovered a giant oil tank hidden beneath the police station, just in time to keep gas prices down until the election! ⛽🗳️

Gas is now $3.23 a gallon at BJ’s. Membership required. Access to the secret police station oil tank apparently sold separately.

Sponsored by the City of Fall River. Thank you, Mayor Coogan! 😂