Reflecting Change

“Capacity” is not the problem.
Our definition of capacity is.

Nonprofit leaders keep telling me, “We’re at capacity,” and they’re right. But when we say “capacity,” we usually mean workload and time.

Here’s what I’m actually hearing underneath that:

The emotional toll of holding crisis after crisis

The stress of unstable or insufficient funding and shifting government policies

Constant requests to slice and dice data a dozen different ways to prove impact

The tank isn’t just drained by hours. It’s drained by worry, compassion fatigue, and the pressure to be “on” for everyone, all the time.

And our default solution? More training.

Time management. Prioritization. Emotional intelligence. Decision-making frameworks. Leaders show up, take good notes… and then go right back to the same conditions that drain their capacity.

From what I’m seeing as a coach, skills are not the issue. Most nonprofit leaders already know how to prioritize, make decisions, and manage their calendars.

What they don’t have is space, especially in small nonprofits or programs with small teams.

Space to step off the hamster wheel and out of the weeds.
Space to calm their nervous systems and think at the level of mission instead of inbox. Space to say, “This is not sustainable,” and to actually strategize how to change it.

In my coaching conversations with nonprofit leaders, that’s the work:

Creating a protected space to slow down, name what’s really happening, and reconnect with what they already know how to do — without judgment, urgency, or 37 competing demands in the background.

If you’re a nonprofit ED or senior leader who feels “at capacity” and knows you need that kind of space, I have a few openings for 1:1 coaching this spring. Comment “capacity” or send me a message and I’ll reach out with details.

Capacity is not about doing more with less.
It’s about having the room to decide what’s worth doing at all.

When I worked in the nonprofit world, I saw something over and over again:

Brilliant, dedicated people wearing five different hats, holding everything together with limited resources and lower pay. All while doing their best to serve clients and keep programs running.

I know it because I lived it too. I burned myself out more than once. My fight, flight, or freeze response was constantly activated. I was driven by purpose, but operating in survival mode and I know I’m not the only one.

That experience underscored something vital for me: if we want sustainable impact, we have to take care of the people doing the work.

That means:
• Creating safe, calm, and welcoming workplaces
• Building in time to rest and recharge
• Leading with trauma-informed, inclusive, strengths-based practices

Caring for staff is mission work.

Our teams deserve organizations that equip them to do their best work, without burning out.

If you’re a leader, board member, or funder, I hope you’ll keep staff wellbeing at the center of the conversation. When we care for the people who care for others, everyone benefits.

Some of the hardest moments in leadership aren’t on our calendars.

They’re the car ride home after a board meeting that went sideways.
The quiet after a staff member shares they’re burned out.
The email about a funding cut that will impact real kids, real families, real communities.

For a long time, I believed that "professionalism" meant tucking those emotions away, lost in a repeating mantra, “This is the work. Keep going.” However, when we repress our emotions, our bodies keep the receipts. The stress, the urgency, the grief of leading in under-resourced systems doesn’t disappear just because we don’t name it. It shows up in our sleep, our tone, our decisions, and even our capacity to stay curious with the people we serve.

In my work with mission-driven leaders, burnout and frustration keep surfacing and it is no surprise. It easy to get lost in the emotions of the work because we care so deeply about what we do. The next time you face a difficult situation, though, try these tips to return to a more grounded space:

✔️ Let yourself feel the anger, frustration, or sadness after a hard decision instead of jumping straight into “solutions mode.” Once you feel it, let it pass through you.
✔️ Take 3 minutes between meetings to breathe, stretch, or even tap your temples, so your nervous system can catch up to your calendar.
✔️ Have one person in your corner who can hold the story with you, so you’re not carrying community-level pain alone.

This is trauma-informed leadership in real time: honoring the emotional impact of the work, so we don’t pass unprocessed stress down to our teams and communities. It’s not an indulgent practice; it’s responsible. Leaders who learn to move through their emotions tend to make more grounded decisions, hold better boundaries, and create cultures where their people can be both effective and human.

If you’re holding a lot right now, here’s the question to sit with: What might shift if you gave yourself permission to name, feel, and release what this work is asking of you before you decide what to do next?

Leaders: if your brain is constantly saying “what if this goes wrong,” “this isn’t good enough yet,” or “they should already know better,” you’re not alone.

My latest piece is about those exact loops and how to shift from overthinking into one solid next step.

The Thought Traps Quietly Running Your Leadership If you’re leading a team, you already know the job isn’t just about strategy and ex*****on; it’s about how people think when they’re under pressure.

For most of my life, “being strong” meant surviving, overachieving, and never letting anyone see the cracks. That worked, until it didn’t. A few years ago, in the middle of an executive leadership meeting about “vulnerability,” my nervous system completely shut down. That moment became the turning point that pushed me to confront my childhood trauma, my coping mechanisms, and the way I was leading.

In my new Substack essay, I talk about:

✅ What happened in that room when my body said “no more”

✅ How trauma showed up in my leadership as overworking, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome

✅ What five years of self-reflection, nervous system care, and EMDR have changed for me

Why I’m creating a space for people who’ve lived through trauma and now find themselves leading at work, at home, or in their communities

If you’ve ever felt driven and accomplished on the outside, but secretly broken on the inside, this is for you. You are not alone.

You can read it (and subscribe if it resonates) here: https://open.substack.com/pub/reflectingchange/p/we-were-never-allowed-to-be-vulnerable?r=7gi5x4&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

We Were Never Allowed to Be Vulnerable: On Trauma, Leadership, and Learning to Heal An honest reflection on how a single breaking point forced me to confront my past and lead from a place of healing, not survival.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the thought cycles that keep us stuck and quietly block us from creating what could be.

In my coaching sessions, I see so many brilliant, caring leaders filter their experiences through lenses like “It’s all my fault,” “Nothing will ever change,” or “It should not be this way.” When you live with anxiety or carry trauma, those lenses often started as protection—they helped you survive. But over time, they can turn into patterns of self-sabotage that keep you exhausted, second-guessing, and disconnected from your own power.

This is why I come back again and again to the 4 Rs: Root, Reflect, Reframe, Rise.

When you notice you’re spiraling in the same story, pause and walk yourself through these steps. You might be surprised by how much more grounded, clear, and intentional you feel.

The Four Rs: A Simple Practice for Reframing Self-Sabotage Lately, I have been thinking about the thought cycles that keep us stuck, preventing us from creating what could be.

When stress hijacks your brain, it’s not a motivation problem; it’s your nervous system in overload.

I just published a new Substack piece, “When Stress Hijacks Your Brain: Finding Your Way Back to Calm and Intentional Action,” where I share a bit of my story and simple tools to help you come back from overwhelm and lead more intentionally.

If you’ve been feeling stretched thin or not “like yourself” at work, this one’s for you.

When Stress Hijacks Your Brain: Finding Your Way Back to Calm and Intentional Action Since 2021, I have been on a personal mission to understand how stress and trauma shape the way we show up at work.

I’m opening a new writing space, and I’d love for you to be there.

For years, I’ve sat with nonprofit and educational leaders who quietly ask some version of:
“I know better…so why do I keep doing this?”
“Why do I say yes when I’m already past capacity?”
“Is it me, or is it the system?”

My new Substack is for leaders who have lived through hard things, are doing mission-driven work in under-resourced systems, and are tired of calling their survival patterns “self-sabotage.” We’ll explore trauma-aware leadership, nervous-system-aware work habits, and what it looks like to lead without abandoning yourself for the mission.

If you’re a nonprofit or educational leader who feels overextended, stuck in old patterns, or just craving language for what you’re carrying, this is for you.

Read my first post here: https://open.substack.com/pub/reflectingchange/p/why-self-sabotage-is-really-a-survival?r=7gi5x4&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Tag a friend or colleague who needs kinder, more honest conversations about leadership, trauma, and work.

Why “Self-Sabotage” Is Really a Survival Strategy for Nonprofit and Educational Leaders In stressful or tense seasons, especially when you’ve been shaped by trauma, many of us have asked ourselves: “I know better, so why do I keep doing this?” As the work in nonprofits and educational spaces piles up, it’s easy to overcommit and then resent it, avoid hard conversations until th...

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