Split Coach

The beginning is part of what makes the ending so confusing. Because it didn’t start badly. It started with someone making you feel wanted, understood and chosen. Maybe you had never felt a connection like that before. Maybe you genuinely thought, this is my person.⠀
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So when things started changing, you didn’t immediately think, I need to leave. You thought, What happened? Then, What did I do? And eventually, What can I do to get us back to how we used to be?⠀
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That’s how you can end up staying through things you never imagined you’d tolerate. You’re holding onto what the relationship was in the beginning and hoping that person is going to come back. And every time you get a glimpse of them again, it gives you just enough hope to keep trying.⠀
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That’s why “Why didn’t you just leave?” is such an oversimplified question.⠀
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By the time you finally do leave, you may not trust yourself anymore. You can be out and still replay conversations. Still wonder if you overreacted. Still miss them. Still remember the good parts and wonder if maybe you gave up too soon.⠀
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Leaving a toxic or narcissistic relationship doesn’t automatically undo everything that happened while you were in it.⠀
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Sometimes the next part is figuring out how to trust yourself again.⠀
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And once you start trusting yourself again, there’s another question that comes up: What do I want relationships to look and feel like from here?⠀
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That’s exactly where I want to start with you in The Relationship Shift, my free live masterclass on September 23rd. We’re going beyond who looks right on paper and talking about how you want to feel in a relationship, what actually works for you, and how that changes who you choose.⠀
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Join me live September 23 at 9:30 AM PT. It’s free, it’s 30 minutes, and you can save your spot at the link in my bio. 💛⠀
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You know those moments when you ask five different people what they think because you’re hoping one of them will give you the answer you want?⠀
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Or you keep having the same conversation with yourself… Maybe it’ll get better. Maybe I should give it more time. Maybe I’m expecting too much. Maybe leaving will be worse.⠀
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Sometimes you’re not actually confused. You’re scared.⠀
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Because even when something isn’t making you happy anymore, at least it’s familiar. You know what to expect there. Walking away means stepping into a life you can’t completely picture yet, and that can be terrifying.⠀
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But familiar and right aren’t always the same thing.⠀
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You don’t have to have your entire future figured out before you make a decision that you already know is right for you.⠀
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Sometimes you just have to trust yourself enough to take the first step. 💛⠀
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If you’re starting to think about what you want relationships to look and feel like from here, join me for The Relationship Shift, my free live masterclass on September 23rd.⠀
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We’re going to talk about why finding the relationship you want might start somewhere completely different than you think — and it starts with you.⠀
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September 23 | 9:30 AM PT | 30 minutes live + free. Save your spot at the link in my bio.⠀
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Have you ever gone into a conversation wanting to explain how you feel and somehow ended up arguing about something completely different? Well, I HAVE! Maybe too many times that I would like to admit!

I can say.. this is one reason why….

We often communicate our interpretation of what happened as though it’s what actually happened.

“You ignored me” becomes “You don’t care.”

“You interrupted me” becomes “You never listen.”

“You forgot” becomes “I’m obviously not important to you.”

Maybe that’s what it felt like.

But feeling something and knowing someone’s intention are two different things.

This is where I use a very simple distinction:

What happened?
What did I make it mean?
What did that bring up in me?

Fact. Story. Feeling.

I mean the goal isn’t to remove emotion from communication… that is impossible to do.. we are emotional beings. It’s to get closer to what you’re actually trying to say.

Because a lot of the time the fight isn’t about what happened. It’s about the meaning we attached to it. Laila | Relationship & Divorce Strategist

I didn’t leave my first marriage. I was sideswiped by its ending.

And I think that distinction matters.

There is a different kind of grief when the life you were building ends without your consent. You’re not only grieving a person or a marriage. You’re grieving the future you thought you were going to have.

For a long time, I wanted my old life back.

Until, slowly, I started building something else.

Not because I was ready.
Not because I had some beautiful vision for my “next chapter.”
But because life kept asking me to keep going.

And somewhere along the way, the life I was forced to rebuild became a life I genuinely love.

That doesn’t make what happened okay.

It doesn’t erase the grief.

It just means the ending didn’t get to have the final word.

Sometimes rebuilding isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about finding your way back to yourself.

💫 Laila