Sam Kirouac

This Sunday is the first Soul Note for October and we have a brand new card for the month.

I really love the beginning of a new month of these because I never know where the conversation is going to take us. The card gives us somewhere to start and then I get to spend the month with it and see what comes up.

And then every Sunday night I write to you about it.

So if you've been meaning to sign up for Soul Notes, this is a good weekend to do it. The first one for October will be in your inbox Sunday night.

Link is in my bio.

I realized this morning that we're almost into October, which means I get to pull a new card for Soul Notes next week and I'm already really curious about what it's going to be.

At the beginning of every month I pull one oracle card and ask what wisdom we need for the month. And I really do spend the month with it. I'll think I understand where the message is taking us and then something comes up with a client that makes me see it differently or I notice it showing up in my own life or I'll be halfway through a book and read something that takes me somewhere else with it.

That's probably my favourite part. I get to see what else there is to notice as the month goes on.

And right now I have no clue what October's card is going to be or what we're going to end up talking about because I haven't pulled it yet. I kinda love not knowing.

If you want to get October's Soul Notes from the beginning, go to the link in my bio to sign up before I pull our new card next week.

I think I’ve always naturally changed things with the seasons without really thinking about it. What I cook, how I spend my evenings, even what I want to do with my time.

And maybe that’s why I like this shift so much. I’m not trying to hang onto summer or keep the same pace I had a few months ago.

Anger came up in a session with a client this week, specifically how hard it can be to actually let ourselves feel it.

I think a lot of women have been taught that we shouldn’t be angry. Good girls don’t get angry, anger is negative, we should calm down or try to understand where the other person is coming from. So we push it down and tell ourselves we’re fine, except the anger doesn’t actually go anywhere.

We can only stuff it down for so long before it comes out and usually it’s at the wrong time or at someone who had nothing to do with why we were angry in the first place.

But anger is also telling us something and if we’re so quick to push it away, we don’t always get the chance to figure out what that is. Maybe a boundary was crossed or your feelings were hurt or maybe you're been putting up with something for too long. Or it could be your exhausted and have nothing left to give. And you know what, sometimes it's just I'm really freaking angry right now and I don’t know why yet?

Perimenopause has brought its own new level of anger into my life which sometimes leans more into rage. That's been a lot of fun! I've learned over the years to let myself actually feel whatever emotion comes up, even when it makes me uncomfortable.

We’re human and we’re going to experience all of the emotions, even the ones we’ve decided are bad or uncomfortable. So instead of always trying to silence your anger, sometimes you need to give yourself permission to be angry and find somewhere for it to go. Scream-sing, go for a run, try a rage room, scream into the void, whatever works for you.

And once you are on the other side of it ask yourself where this anger is coming from.

September always seems to come with this feeling that everything needs to start up again. School is back, routines change, activities start and somehow the calendar that felt pretty open a few weeks ago starts filling up really quickly.

I was thinking about how easy it is to just start putting everything back because that’s what September looks like. If it was part of our lives before summer, we find a place for it again and carry on. And I wonder how often we do that with other things too. We get so used to making room for certain commitments, expectations or even people that we don’t always notice when the amount of energy we have for them has changed.

It makes me wonder how many things we’re still making room for simply because we always have, even though our capacity for them has changed.

I turned 50 this year and for some reason I really struggled with it.

I know I’m probably supposed to say I’m 50 now and f*ck it, I don’t care what anyone thinks, but I’m not there. Maybe less of a s**t and more staying in my own lane? That feels more like where I am.

I think I had this idea in my head of what 50 was supposed to look like and who I was supposed to be at this age. What I’m realizing is that I don’t want to become some different version of myself because I turned 50. If anything, I want to embrace more of who I am and bring back some of the fun I think I’ve lost along the way.

Clothes have been one little part of that. I used to have so much fun playing with clothes and makeup and then the Instagram algorithm gods brought me .with.alix. I freaking love the outfits and looks she puts together and watching her has made me want to have fun with my clothes again too. Not dress like I did in my 20s, but figure out what feels fun and like me now.

I want more of that in other parts of my life too. More of my weirdness, my sarcasm, random song lyrics and dance moves, trying things because they look fun and worrying a little less about whether they make sense to anyone else.

I think that’s where I am with this era of my life. I want to embrace who I am now and bring more fun back into my life, whatever that ends up looking like.

I had a lot more to say about this, so I decided to actually write a Substack post on all the things that I've been thinking about. Things like being seen, worrying about what other people think, hair loss and a few other things that came up as I was writing. You can find the link to read it in my bio. And please let me know if any of it resonated with you.

I’d love to know, is there something you used to do just because it was fun that you’d like to bring back into your life?

My calendar is open again and man I’m happy about it!

I didn’t realize how much I missed doing sessions until I started getting everything ready to come back.

I missed hearing what’s been going on in your lives. I missed the conversations that start in one place and somehow end up somewhere completely different.

So because I’m excited to be back, I decided to do a little reopening special.

For the next week, my one-on-one sessions are 15% off. That includes Intuitive Reiki, Akashic Records and Reiki in the Records.
You don’t have to book your actual session this week either. You can grab a gift certificate at the special price and you’ll have a full year to use it.

So if life has been a lot lately and Reiki has crossed your mind, there’s something you keep thinking about that you’d like to bring into the Records or you’ve had an I should really book with Sam again thought, I’m here and my calendar is open. Come see me.

The special is available through September 10 and there’s no code to remember. Everything is through the link below.
I’m really happy to be back. 🤍

Today is back to school for my girls and now they're both in high school.

This is the first time since they were in early elementary that I'm not driving them to or picking them up from school and I'm having a lot of emotions about it.

I kinda loved driving them to school and especially picking them up. I got to hear all about their day on the way home. The good, the bad and the boring. I could usually tell what kind of day they'd had just by watching them walk to the car.

I know I'm very fortunate to have such a great relationship with my girls and that they both tell me what's going on in their lives. And just because I'm not driving them anymore doesn't mean any of that is going to change.

But I'm really going to miss those car rides.

I'm so happy I got to do it for as long as I did and now I'm kinda sad it's over.

I didn't really notice I was doing this until someone pointed it out to me recently.

I've been keeping things in boxes. Reiki in one. Akashic Records in another. Teaching in another. And my background as a therapist kinda sitting off to the side like it belonged to a different chapter of my life.

I think I just assumed that was the way to do it.

But in that same conversation, she said something that kinda smacked me in the face. She said by keeping everything so neatly separated, I might actually be limiting both my business and how I show up in it.

Now the more I look at it, the more I can see it. My therapy training has been in everything I do. In how I listen, how I notice what's underneath what someone is saying and how I stay steady when things feel more emotional or layered.

It's not something I consciously switch on or off depending on the work. It's just there and always has been. I just hadn't really been naming it that way.

Since that conversation I’ve gotten more clarity on where my business can go. Like I'm starting to see my work less in separate boxes and more as one thing. And something I’ve been thinking about offering is starting to actually take shape and I’m pretty freaking excited about it. Any guesses on what that might be?