Muhande Muruli

Ati “GOD IS TUTAM” smh! You look at KAREN NYAMU and end up agreeing with all religions that proposed that WIMEN SHOULD NEVER BE IN POWER. It is sad because such wimen discredits the efforts made by kina Ngilu, Karua, Wangare Maathai et al. Why does she always speak like an ovúlating, drunken SabinaJoy model? Eeh? When the gods were raining leadership and wisdom to female leaders, Karen Nyamu chose to take shelter and stayed indoors for good, and it shows everything she opens her mouth. It shows every time she attend events. It shows every time she buys struggling artists bikes. It shows whenever she sings tutam(it is her democratic and tumbocratic right, but she does it with a deficiency of wisdom). It shows when she fights for someone’s husband in public. It always shows.

The government is now cooking “statistics” to blindfold Kenyans that Kalonzo is above Sifuna to force him on ballot so that Ruto can beat him(Kalonzo) easily. WANTAM IS SCARED OF THE SIFUNA WAVE! Kalonzo, the gods are smiling in your face, grab this opportunity and DEPUTIZE Sifuna. That is your only sure-bet. Bure utapita katikati tena!

Someone tell MKURU, once you join sycophant politics, you stop being funny! I mean, you should stop taking everything as a joke because YOU ARE NO LONGER A COMEDIAN. Comedians are easily forgiven because comedy is a “stúpíd” business. “Huyo Ni Njugush, achaneni nae anakuanga fala!” But once you join politics and take sides like I am proudly siding with Sifuna, you are siding against a team that may include your long term friends, family, business partners and even bedmates. You should be ready to lose half of that, because politics is like betting. However, from the look for things, MKURU might go down the reverse gear in his career before even the 2027 elections. And what for? A few millions? A small position in Ruto’s government? Is it worthy of it? This is guy who can start a media house and turn it into billions in less than 5 years. Is whatever Ruto is buying them for worthy it?

BORING CELEBS AT PARTIES.
1. NYASH- Huyu anakaa tu kukaa kwa corner kuJudge watu.
2. RUTO- Hawa Ni wale wa kuLecture watu kwa meza ni k**a Ni Baba ya kila mtu NKT
3. MULAMWA- Huyu Ni wale waluhya hutaka kuControl meza na topics k**a, “mimi afadhali nijenge than kununua gari”. Boring! And they talk way too much.
4. OBINNA- Anakaa tu boring. Na kulamba rich people
5. MJAKA MFINE- Huyu bila script ako nje. Not a natural. Have you seen her trying to do stand up? Or MCing?
6. DOMANI MUNGA- Ever seen him in interviews, drunk and disorderly?
7. SSARU- kanakaa tule tudem twa kuchekacheka tu kwa meza bila sababu ju tumevuta bangi.
8. VIRUSI MBAYA- Ataongea k**a mhenga, hakuna mtu atamuelewa
9. DYANA CODS- Atajaza make-up na heavy perfume kwa meza and that is a turn off.
10. BUTITA- Refer to Mulamwah above
11. ADD

KENYAN CELEBS WHO LOOK FUN AT PARTIES.
1. MEJJA- Huyu bora mnunue pombe, atawachekesha the whole day.
2. RISPER FAITH- A free soul. Natural story teller. Honest. Anakaa kuchekesha wababa more than madem, madem hawapendi mtu honest.
3. ERICK OMONDI- But you already know, don’t you? (PS==> most comedians are boring in real life, so, this is a pass for him)
4. BETTY KYALO- Huyu sio funny, but her presence kwa meza Ni enough fun. All men will try to be comedians just to please her. (Sijasema Ni mrembo, she is fun. Stick to the topic)
5. KARTELO- Huyu asipokubamba, wee uko na shida. But he is fun in those keg joints not Westlands.
6. JALAS- Politics aside, this guy is a natural. Anaweza wabamba usiku wote.
7. STEVO SIMPLEBOY- Huyu mnamuweka kwa meza k**a puppet.
8. KHALWALE- But you already know!
9. OCTOPIZZO- Those who have met him in person know he is fun, ngoma zake ndio zinaboo.
10. RIGGY G- Huyu ako sober na anabamba ivi, sembuse alewe?
11. ADD YOURS before I drop in ATWOLI. (Next list ni ya boring celebs)

I agree with Anita Poet. I support the oldschool POLYGAMY where the goat-wife was responsible for getting co-wives for her man. Picture this. You are a busy career woman, always away from home, not so beautiful, you have a hòrñy man, and don’t want to get HIV. What do you do? You get him a kindergarten TEACHER with a big búm, and has time because she leaves school at noon. On top of that, she knows how to cook soft chapatis, good with kids, beautiful and great in bed. As you hustle, she keeps your man from the streets, attends school events for your kids, cooks for the whole family, helps your kids with homework, and spices up events for guests. On top of that SHE RESPECTS YOU! You are her mom. She knows when to stay away from your man and literally “worships” you. Win-win! You got yourself a free maid who empties your man’s ever-full bols. Your job is to make sure her kids attend good schools. What else would a woman want?
CAPTION: A sample of a kindergarten teacher to PLAY with your kids and man when you are away, at work or abroad. Take notes.

This is ANGEL ATIENO. She started being a celebrity like 99 years ago. Now she is only 14 years, but when she turns 21, some of you will be doubting her age like you did with Nikita Kering. “Oooh nimeona Nikita kwa TV tangu ryma, sai niko 32, na yeye bado ako 21? Uongo!” I am leaving this post here for reference! In the meantime, go support her music! She just might be the next Rihanna! She got it all structured down for her.

We will wish to see how the party leader who was rejected by his own people (LUOS and INDIANS) would make it on his own without Baba!

KERICHO PEOPLE please! I hope you are not going to sympathize with THIS to parliament. We already had a mess in Bomet and that was enough! But if you decide to follow that route, she will be representing you, not us! Kazi yetu itakuwa tu kuwachekelea cheke cheke!

Wakiwa New York wanatembea tu kwa streets ndeee, na machokora wa huko, but wakirudi Nairobi wanatufungia barabara 45 minutes, ju Kasongo anatoka Statehouse kwenda Weston kuona Sudi ampee mushene venye Kindiki amepigwa kofi safi na Farouk. They don’t trust us! Ngojeni time ya campaign muone vipindi, wakiuziwa mahindi-choma na mama mboga wa DCI ama wakiHug bodaboda wa Airforce. Anyway, ngeli ni WanTam!