Cripping Therapy

After my father died, I learned a very harsh lesson: grief is not accessible.

I grew up outside Toronto and moved here when I was 20. My father was diagnosed with cancer around the same time and died nine years later. Due to the inaccessibility of public transit, it was always challenging to visit prior to getting my driver’s license, and for almost a decade, I had to constantly grapple with this problem. I wasn’t able to be at the hospital when my dad died. I wanted to. I couldn’t. I use a power wheelchair with seat elevation, so I couldn’t get into a typical car. I wasn’t in the mental state to take regular transit and there was also a time crunch: the funeral home would soon be coming to pick up his body. Fortunately, I was able to transfer to a manual wheelchair but had to rely on a friend to get there. A few hours after his death, I started wondering how was I going to get to his funeral. I wasn’t sure. Renting a wheelchair accessible car costs almost triple what renting a regular vehicle costs. The same friend that drove me to the hospital offered to drive me to the funeral as well, but I’d need to be in a manual chair. But manual chairs are uncomfortable to sit in for long periods of time, and if I attended the funeral, I would’ve been stuck in it for two days. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want everyone shaking my hand and literally looking down on me. I wanted to be able to see in my dad‘s casket. I wanted to be able to hug my mom on her level.
Fortunately, I received my miracle: we got a phone call. A wheelchair accessible minivan had been returned early and I was able to rent it. But I shouldn’t have had to rely on a miracle to say goodbye to my father…
How many traditions of mourning and celebrating life are inaccessible to people using adaptive equipment? These rituals are such an important part of grief, and it’s not something that anyone should have to think about and plan around.
Grief as a disabled person is often complicated by ableism and institutional violence that prevents us from accessing already challenging emotional experiences. And it’s the last place where someone should have to advocate for our right to be sad.

Image Description: on a beige and grey background of a sky and clouds with a bit of sun it reads with black text “how am I going to get to my dad’s funeral …and other fun questions after loss” there is a black heart drawn line in between the text.

We are saddened to hear of the passing of Judy Heumann today. As the screenshot taken from her website highlights, she was a badass and paved the way for disability rights activists everywhere. If you haven’t had a chance, please watch Crip Camp from Netflix. It’s a great introduction to disability rights history in the USA. May she rest in Power.



Image description: a painted picture of Judy is in the left side. It is colorful. The woman is white with dark hair and glasses. She is smiling and sitting in a wheelchair. She has a purple sweater on. There are blue and red and orange painted tree like figures towering behind her. There is a quote beside her that reads “She’s considered the mother of disability rights- and she’s a badass” - The Washington Post

Please see www.judithheumann.com for original picture and rights to photo. We do not own the rights to this photo.

Medical trauma is the loss of bodily autonomy, humiliation, loss of personhood and dignity that occurs too frequently when disabled, chronically sick and other marginalized folks interact with the medical system. It can take many forms including medical gaslighting, fear of loss or dying, dismissed pain, and overall an overwhelming feeling of loss of control over your own body and health. It’s scary! And it’s not acknowledged as real trauma but rather seen as a “normal” part of being disabled and chronically ill.

So much so that when I was doing my dissertation on eating disorders in physically disabled women and someone asked me about trauma, I responded with “no, none of my participants had any trauma histories”. I later found that to be a strange response and realized that I did not want to acknowledge the trauma in my participants because they had similar stories to mine and I didn’t want to see myself as a trauma survivor. That was just “something that happened” and that I “should be grateful that I got any care at all”. It’s internalized ableism that needs to be challenged and acknowledged. It is not okay to think being traumatized is normal to get healthcare. We don’t need to be simply grateful for any basic care because we deserve so much more!

I am slowly processing a lot of my own ongoing medical trauma and what I went through as a child. Taking this step is key to my own healing as a disabled person.
I’m not surprised that in Carla Rice’s book Becoming Women disabled participants compared the impact of medical trauma as children as similar to the impact of sexual abuse. We need to stop teaching our children that it is okay to be dehumanized if a doctor is doing it. There are always ways to make difficult medical procedures disability and trauma affirming.

Image description: there is a turquoise background. And a beige sign hanging in the middle from two black lines. The sign reads in capital letters large black text: “Attention!” The word is empahasized by 5 turquoise vertical lines above the word. Below that word it reads: “Medical trauma is real trauma.” The word “real” is bolder and underlined. All the text is in capital letters.

Hi folks! Gabriella and I are back! As disabled co-creators, we know better than most the importance of rest. It took us a long time to resist white supremacist, colonial, ableist and capitalist notions of productivity. Even when it is around soul-fulfilling work like this that connects us to the community we both love and are immersed in with our day to day lives.

For me (Kaley), I had a sudden medical emergency that resulted in 3 hospitalizations, much medical trauma and relearning how to survive in this capitalist hellscape without sacrificing my health. All while being a mom and owning a new kitty, no biggie.

For Gabriella, she had both wonderful and very tragic life events. She had a beautiful baby girl! And she also lost her sister. Sending lots of love and support to her 💗(pink heart emoji).

Both of us feel ready to get back to this work with the caveat that we remember to prioritize rest and not succumb to unrealistic societal standards to produce. We are both working in new roles professionally and will update you all as needed. We are both thrilled to be here and happy to be a part of a community that understands the importance of rest and that rest is resistance. 💗🔥🌈 (pink heart, fire, rainbow emoji)

Image description: Blue upper case text is written on a beige background with pink and blue plank smudges decorating the corners of the page. The text reads “Rest is Resistance”.

Happy ! When celebrating this month remember: Pride started as a riot, led by Black trans disabled women. Our celebrations should be accessible, intersectional, and political to honor their legacy. 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈

How are you celebrating Pride this month?
[Image description: Rainbow header text reads “Pride Should Be”. Beneath are the words “Accessible”, “Intersectional”, and “Political.” Each word is paired with a graphic. The graphic for “Accessible” is of a Black person seated in a red wheelchair in conversation with another Black person standing next to them. “Intersectional” is of a fat light-skinned person of color holding a trans Pride flag wearing a crop top and shorts with a rainbow. “Political” is of an Asian-appearing person wearing a bandana and a face mask, holding a yellow protest sign in one hand while the other hand forms a power fist. Beneath the graphics is text that reads “Pride began as a riot led by Black transgender disabled women. Our Pride celebrations should honor their legacy.” The Crip Camp logo is in the bottom right corner.]

I (Kaley) was interviewed to speak on the intersection between disability/ableism and mental health. I tried to highlight how important social change was to having decent mental health for marginalized folks.

Image description: there are 8 people outside on a pathway. 6 of them are using wheelchairs. There is also a black dog to the side on a red leash.

The Mental Toll of Disability Is Inflating — We Have to Do Something The weight of living in a world that doesn’t consider disabled people’s needs is piling on. Something has to change.

Gabriella is certified in perinatal mental health and is able to support by providing therapy, workshops, and consultation for parents with disabilities. Sliding scale is available! For more information please visit Www.Gabriellacarafa.ca

Today I (Gabriella) presented on my experience with early intimate relationships and how it shapes my work as a social worker. I shared a story with the group about how when I was in grade two, one of the boys in my class told me that nobody was going to marry me because I was in a wheelchair. That was the first time that I connected having a disability with having less value as a person and that my disability may make me less lovable. Can you imagine being seven or eight years old and hearing that other people find you less loveable because you use a wheelchair? The situation really impacted me growing up as I thought that I only had value if somebody else saw it. Maybe he was right. I was the only disabled person in my school so no one looked like me. It wasn’t until I went to high school where I met a teacher who sustained a spinal cord injury. She was the first disabled role model I ever had. I used to talk to her about navigating adolescence. I remember expressing that I thought I would never meet someone and be in a relationship. She reminded me that someone’s value does not lie in having a relationship. She reminded me that I should be more concerned about having a healthy relationship then just simply having one for the sake of it. She encouraged me to try to get to know myself and explore my preferences in sexuality and relationships. When children and youth are exposed to relationships that include disabled individuals, dating someone without a disability is seen as a success story. If the person does not have a visible disability we assume they are not disabled. When in fact we could also be erasing other identities that this partner has. We have many examples in the media about successful “inter abled” couples. I love positive representation especially when it is a healthy relationship we are seeing. What I want to highlight here is the success story isn’t that they are loved by someone without a disability but that their value has never changed.

As a disabled person, it can be hard to feel empowered in an ableist world. Feeling like you need too much. Are too much of a burden. That you are too much. We constantly feel like we have to compensate for the extra support/accommodations we need through working extra hard. Proving our value. Meeting traditional milestones society deems essential. Or constantly being grateful and pleasant to be around. We may feel guilty if we can’t work a full time job. Or we can’t be completely independent and need supports. Or don’t have a traditional family.

These things can really mess with your emotions. Causing anxiety and hyper vigilance to the needs of others so you aren’t burdening them. Causing repressed anger so you don’t offend anyone. Causing internalized shame or feeling like you aren’t good enough. Causing depression when you inevitably fail to meet these unrealistic standards.

I’ll never forget the moment I (Kaley) realized the impact this was having on me day to day. I was taking the subway as I did ever day. My jaw hurt. I realized I was internally panicking about where I was going to position my wheelchair. I didn’t want to be in anyone’s way. I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone by having to get in and out. My stomach clenched as I looked around at everyone’s faces. Trying to read if they were upset with me so I could fix it somehow. Then I noticed a hyper masculine presenting person. He sprawled his legs in front of the door as he leaned. There was lots of room for him to move in. But he seemed to not give a f**k. A woman tried to get in and had to hop over his legs. Omg. He has never thought about how much space he takes up. Now I don’t want to be like him but omg how freeing would it be to have even an ounce of that feeling. And it isn’t because he deserves more space than I. It was because no one has ever told him (I assumed) to make himself smaller for others benefits.

This post is here to remind you that you are not the problem. And even if you can’t sprawl across the subway doors, please do remember that you are valuable.



Image description in comments.

We’re teaming up with the Paul K. Longmore Institute on Disability at San Francisco State University to celebrate Crip Camp's Oscar nomination for Best Documentary Feature! A historic moment for the disability community, Crip Camp at the Oscars will truly be a night to remember. Join us on Sunday, April 25th from 3:00-4:30pm PST / 6:00-7:30pm EST for an evening of celebration, laughs and a red carpet dance party!! Register at tinyurl.com/crippingtheredcarpet.

ASL with Deaf interpreters/CART/CLT/AD provided. For other requests, contact: [email protected].
[Image description: Wavy lines in pink, black, orange, blue, and purple surround an empty round frame. White text in the center above the frame reads . In the bottom right corner is an Oscars statue in profile view protruding into the center of the frame. The Crip Camp logo is to the right, with a yellow triangular background behind. The Paul K. Longmore Institute logo is centered at the bottom.

Text reads: "Cripping the Red Carpet. A virtual pre-Oscars celebration. Sunday, April 25, 2021. 3:00-4:30pm PST | 6:00-7:30pm EST. Register at https://buff.ly/320gdvt. ASL, Deaf Interpreters, CART, CLT and live audio description provided."]