BattleSmash

BattleSmash began life as country gospel band "The Sloppy Madonnas". After Realizing that s**t sucks; they created Punk sometime in the early 70's. Started by the only remaining members of The Sloppyz; Dick Dickerson and William Cletus Johannesburg, they enlisted Dick's childhood friend Lou Beerious as makeshift bass player and found drummer Kermit Su***de in a local Oshawa dumpster. This changed history and lead them in 1981 to become the illustrious band you know today. They filled their days in the 80's by doing drugs, touring, selling merch and their onslaught of album releases, fu***ng bi***es, ghost writing many of the radio's hit songs of the time and sleeping in large piles of money. Tragedy struck the band in the second half of the 90's when Beerious was murdered at an ice cream social in an unfortunate bee attack. This caused the slow decline of the band until they called it quits in 1999 to prepare for Y2K. After they survived that by a narrow margin; they did a reunion show in 2003. This was disastrous and caused drummer Kermit Su***de to sell his stocks and quit the band. In 2022 Dick and William (now going by Dr. William Cletus Battlesmash M.D. XVII Esquire) finally ran out of money; forcing them to hire drummer Cold Lunch Kyle and go on a GTA wide tour with some s**tty ska band from America. After the tour; cold lunch promptly faked his own death by salmonella poisoning and started playing in a much less good metal band that no one knows or cares about to this day. Dick and the Doc easily replaced him with new drummer Jon and after an exhaustive and co***ne filled audition process; finally gave up: letting Lou Beerious's son Lee Beerious AKA Kid Cigrit take up his father's poorly cared for mantle and step into the lime tinted light as BattleSmash's new bass player. Along the way of this epic chronicle BS has fought in the Bee v Sharks space war, battled a one armed space octopus, punched holes throughout both reality and time, got their as****es waxed, fought evil robots from the future and survived the frozen tundra.