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Trauma -Trained Practitioner, Coach & Educator
Specialising in emotional abuse recovery, somatics and embodiment.
Imagine spending years blaming your siblings, only to realise the biggest s**t-stirrer in the family was your own parent…
Imagine spending years blaming your siblings, only to realise the biggest s**t-stirrer in the family was your own parent…
13/09/2026
I heard things like this far too often.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“You’re too much.”
And if you knew the context of when some of those things were said to me, it would make your toes curl. Believe me.
The behaviour was utterly cruel. Bullying. Not an ounce of empathy.
Yet somehow, the problem was how I responded to being treated that way.
I understand that very differently now.
There was never any real concern for the hurt they caused. No remorse. Just coldness and indignation that I had a problem with how they’d behaved.
Almost an entitlement to behave however they wanted, while I was expected to shut up, get over it and say nothing.
And I think that’s why phrases like “you’re too sensitive” are so convenient.
If you can make someone question whether they have a right to be hurt, you don’t have to spend too much time looking at what you did to hurt them.
They’ll blame your distance on you being cruel and cold, or say someone else is influencing you, before they’ll ever consider how their own behaviour drove you away.
It’s confusing when it’s not what the family did that hurts the most.
It’s when you’ve been betrayed by the one person who knew exactly what they were like.
“YOU NEVER COME TO SEE ME…”
Ah, the good old family guilt trip. Because nothing makes someone want to visit more than being made to feel s**t for not visiting.
Yet somehow the question is always, “Why don’t they visit more?”
And rarely, “Why don’t they want to?”
05/09/2026
This can be a really hard thing to admit.
Because surely if you love and care for someone, you should want to be around them?
But what if you actually feel better when they’re not there?
You’re calmer. You laugh more. You can just be yourself. You’re not watching what you say, wondering what mood they’re in, or thinking about how they’re going to react to something.
And then they walk back into the room and you can actually feel yourself change.
That doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
But it might be worth asking yourself why you feel so much better when they’re not around.
Because sometimes your body has worked out what your heart is still struggling to accept.
This is what can happen when you spend long enough around someone who constantly questions your judgement.
After a while, they don’t even need to say anything.
You already know what they’d say.
You hear their opinion before you hear your own.
And that’s the bit people don’t always understand about coercive control.
They’ve taken the YOU out of you and put the THEM inside you.
Getting away from them is one thing.
Getting them out of your head is another.
Cognitive dissonance is suffocating.
It’s when you’ve got two beliefs fighting against each other.
One is what they’ve shown you to be true.
The other is what you desperately want to believe is true.
And to start breathing again, you need to have a head-on consultation with the one you desperately want to believe is true.
It’s one of the things I find hardest to understand about dysfunctional families. It’s how quickly people who have known someone for years can suddenly stop thinking for themselves. It still blows my mind…
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