Rowan Consultancy

The relationship you have with your therapist is exactly that, a relationship. And you’re allowed to shape it. 💜

So many people sit through sessions thinking they have to do it “right.” Go deep every time. Say everything out loud. Push through even when they’re not ready.

You don’t.

You can ask for a lighter session. You can say “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.” You can tell your therapist something didn’t land the way they meant it. You can ask if this is even working.

None of that makes you difficult. It makes you an active part of your own healing.

Save this for before your next session, and send it to someone who’s just getting started.

Naming what we miss and why can help ease our grief slightly

Grief does not always arrive with a clear name. Sometimes it gathers quietly. A friendship that faded. A place we had to leave. A future we had imagined that will not come. A childhood need that was never met. A person we miss.

If something comes to mind as you read this, stay with that one thing.

Take a moment and name it as simply as you can:

What am I mourning?

Try not to explain the whole story. Just name what was lost, changed, or never came to be.

Maybe:

"I'm mourning the friendship we used to have."

"I'm mourning the future I thought we would share."

"I'm mourning that I never felt really safe there."

"I'm mourning what is happening in the world."

Now ask yourself:

What was precious to me in this?

Let yourself go underneath the event.

Maybe you were longing for closeness. Safety. Belonging. Trust. Home. Tenderness. Freedom. Hope. A shared future.

You might complete this sentence:

"This hurts because I cared so much about..."

Then stop for a moment.

Notice what happens in your body when you say it.

You do not need to solve anything. You do not need to feel better.

Perhaps your grief wants tears. Perhaps silence. Perhaps movement, a walk, music, writing, sitting beside a fire, or calling someone who can listen without fixing.

Ask one last question:

"What would help me give this grief a little more room today?"

Not forever. Just today.

Maybe five quiet minutes. Maybe writing down the name of what you lost. Maybe telling someone, "I don't need advice. I just want you to sit with me."

In NVC, mourning can be this simple: staying close enough to the pain that we can also feel what mattered.

And allowing that to be witnessed, by ourselves or by someone else.

Is there something you would add to the "What helps" lists?

Have you ever noticed how differently you respond depending on how safe or overwhelmed you feel?

When your nervous system senses safety, it is easier to think clearly, connect with others, communicate and cope with everyday demands. When it senses threat, your body may shift into high alert - anxiety, tension, racing thoughts, irritability or the urge to escape. When things become too overwhelming, you may instead shut down, withdraw, feel numb, exhausted or disconnected.

These responses can happen automatically, before you have had time to think about what is happening.

Understanding your nervous system can help make sense of reactions that might otherwise feel confusing. Instead of only asking, “Why am I reacting like this?”, it can be helpful to also ask, “What is my nervous system responding to, and what might help it feel safer?”

Sometimes what looks like overreacting, avoidance, anger or withdrawal makes more sense when we understand what is happening underneath.

FREE UNDERSTANDING POLYVAGAL THEORY PRINTABLE PDF CHART

LIKE the photo and comment "POLY" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

Did you know you can SAVE posts on Facebook? If you click the three dots in the top right-hand corner above the photo, you’ll find the option to save the post right there. 🙂

After a productive in-person team meeting, some of our office team headed to the North Inch in Perth to accompany Sandra (our Marketing Co-ordinator) on one of her MS Society UK fundraising walks. Sandra is aiming to complete 60 walks (or cycles) by the end of September, which is a year after she started. Energy boosts were provided by Ruth's delicious courgette🥒 cake and Rachel's tasty orange🍊 cake. We decided these treats counted as two of our recommended five-a-day. 😉 ✅️ ✅ ️

In addition to raising funds for MS Society UK, Sandra is keen to increase awareness of living with a chronic health condition, in this instance by flagging up the benefits and challenges of remaining in the workplace.

The culture at Rowan is one of inclusion and support, and all the office-based staff are offered reasonable adjustments to help them remain in work. In return, staff are committed, flexible, and less likely to need time off.

Sandra says, 'I enjoy the stimulation of work, and find the interactions with my colleagues help keep my health challenges in perspective. Feeling valued in the workplace helps me maintain good mental health. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive employer and can find attending work a struggle. If they had to discontinue working this could be an unnecessary loss not only to the individual, but to the business, and broader society. The MS Society has an excellent video titled "Working and MS" on their website. The examples of positive and negative behaviour are thought-provoking and relevant to many businesses and health conditions. I would urge employers and employees to watch this video and embed as many of the recommendations as possible into their business.'

In addition to its counselling service, Rowan offers several in-house training courses aimed at providing workplace teams with guidance on how to support colleagues. Check our website training links for details and do get in touch with any questions. We are here to help.

Critical Incident Response Training - Online, 2days
23rd & 30th Sept 2026 (due to cancellations 2 spaces only available)
9th & 16th March 2027

Critical incidents, such as fire, su***de, or a fatal accident, can result in complex emotions or trauma responses for workplace teams. This small group training, suitable for anyone with people skills by Rowan Consultancy :

- explains how to provide structured support after an event
- guides you through the 7-stage Mitchell model
- allows you time to consolidate through role-play scenarios
- helps you understand how trauma may affect your team

Counselling helps you realise the reasons for your behaviours.

Awareness leads to choice which can lead to change.

Learning how to recover from arguments is a vital skill in any relationship. Living with someone usually involved near constant rupture-and-repair.

Here is a useful take on how to approach this together.