LHH experience

As a frum couples therapist, I wasn’t surprised by the recent study showing that women who do most of the housework often feel less desire for intimacy.
It’s not about the cleaning itself, it’s about feeling like life is out of balance.
When a wife feels like the load of running a home falls mostly on her, it leaves little room for connection.
Real partnership in marriage isn’t just about showing up in the bedroom, it’s about showing up in the kitchen, the laundry room, and everywhere in between.

A few tips I share with couples:

1️⃣ Share the load, small acts of help make a big difference.

2️⃣ Appreciate out loud, gratitude builds warmth.

3️⃣ Protect energy for connection, not every task has to be perfect.

4️⃣ Remember: intimacy grows when partnership feels equal!

marriagetherapy

Growing up in a Jewish religious household, many people are taught that desire is something to be controlled, hidden, or ashamed of. So it’s no surprise that so many people grow up believing their fantasies mean something is broken in them. What we eventually learn is that fantasies are rarely about the act itself. They’re symbolic expressions of unmet needs, unresolved wounds, and forgotten parts of ourselves asking to be seen.

The person who fantasizes about power may be reclaiming what was once taken from them.
The person who fantasizes about submission may simply be longing to put down a weight they’ve carried alone for far too long.

The unconscious doesn’t speak in facts. It speaks in symbols.

Shame doesn’t heal this. It just buries it deeper.

Some fantasies are invitations for internal reflection. Others may be safely and consciously explored. But in both cases, what people are truly searching for isn’t the fantasy itself. It’s the integration of what it symbolizes.

So instead of asking “what’s wrong with me?”
Try asking “what part of me is asking to be understood?”

That shift alone can be the beginning of healing.

Save this if it made you pause. Share it with someone who needs to hear it.

words by Charles Myssy

According to psychology, the worst thing you can do in that moment is jump straight into defending yourself.

When emotions are high, people often speak from pain, not precision. What your wife may be saying is, “I’m hurt, I’m frustrated, and I need you to hear me.”

Instead of arguing, try listening.

Instead of proving her wrong, try understanding what she’s feeling.

You can say:
“I hear that you’re upset. Help me understand what I’m doing that’s causing you pain.”

Now, that doesn’t mean accepting blame for everything.

There’s a difference between validating someone’s feelings and accepting responsibility for things that aren’t yours.

A mature husband can acknowledge his wife’s pain, take responsibility for his part, and still recognize that not every problem in the marriage is his fault.

When your goal becomes understanding instead of winning, the conversation usually changes completely.