Dr Alduan Tartt

When life hits hard, should you PAUSE the dream—or keep building while you heal?

Comment “GROW” and I’ll send you resources to help improve your mental health, happiness, and relationships.

Now tell me this:

Do you believe a difficult season is a reason to STOP pursuing your goals—or a reason to REDUCE THE PACE but keep moving? Why?

Read the other answers too. Reply to someone who sees it differently. I want a real conversation about this.

Because one of the most expensive decisions we make during a hard season is telling ourselves:

“I’ll get back to the dream when life settles down.”

The loss.
The diagnosis.
The betrayal.
The financial setback.
The business disappointment.

Sometimes rest is absolutely necessary.

But rest and retreat are not the same thing.

Psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun identified post-traumatic growth—the possibility that people can emerge from severe adversity with greater strength, deeper relationships, new possibilities, greater appreciation for life, and spiritual growth.

Growth is not pretending the pain was good.

It is asking:

“What can God build through me while I’m still walking through this?”

Joseph didn’t wait until he reached the palace to become productive again.

He kept serving in the prison.

And Romans 8:28 does not say everything that happens is good.

It says God can cause all things to work together for good.

So maybe your assignment this week is not to operate at 100%.

Maybe it is simply:

Don’t stop.

Take the meeting.
Write the page.
Make the call.
Spend 10 minutes on the plan.
Take one faithful step.

Now I want to hear from you:

When you’re going through a storm, is it wiser to completely pause the dream—or keep moving at a smaller pace?

Tell me WHY in the comments, and reply to someone whose answer makes you think.

And if you want resources to help you grow mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually:

Comment “GROW.”

Did you know we can actually grow from hardship and pain? I don't be just be restored to where we were before the stress, I mean actually GROW and get stronger?

Romans 8:28- "And we know all things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

What do you lean into when times get hard to ensure that you don't give up and grow from stress versus being overwhelmed?

I do daily devotionals like this at https://transformingcircle.com/devotional/ and help believers to actually apply God's WORD for better relationships, stronger marriages and personal happiness/development.

Ladies: If a man is truly dating for marriage, how long should it take before you KNOW that’s his intention?

I want a real discussion:

When should a marriage-minded man clearly tell a woman he is dating with the intention of getting married?

First date?
Within the first few dates?
Before exclusivity?
Or only once he knows he sees real potential with her?

Here’s the key:

A marriage-minded man usually doesn’t want to date aimlessly.

He knows serious dating costs time, energy, emotion, attention and resources—and he doesn’t want to waste his or yours on something he already knows has no future.

That’s why men get annoyed when women say yes to dinner but have no desire to settle down, lack skills to be in a committed relationship or just want something to eat but don’t even like the guy.

Women who want a husband and have wife skills get treated as gold for marriage-minded men.

That doesn’t mean he knows immediately that you’re his wife but he should be clear about why he’s dating.

There’s a big difference between:

“I’m dating to find my wife.”

and

“Let’s just see where this goes.”

So ladies:

How long would YOU date a man before expecting clear intentions about marriage?

Tell me your answer and why—and reply to someone who sees it differently.

How you handle men who want to move too fast in relationships is critical.

If you are too cold then you risk making him feel rejected and hurting the attraction.

If you are too warm, you risk losing your standards, values and destroy the chase. You could also get played.

If you verbalize your standards, control the pace and use feminine attraction and positive feedback, you keep him pursuing with respect. That’s the golden ticket!

How have you handled men and women who want to move too fast in relationships but still keep the attraction high?

What has worked and not worked lol?

If a man truly wants to marry you, how long should it take before his intentions become CLEAR?

Comment “CLEAR” and I’ll send you the 6 things emotionally intelligent men do when they genuinely see marriage with the woman they’re dating.

But I really want your opinion on this:

How long is TOO LONG to date a man without knowing whether he is seriously considering marriage?

3 months? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years? Or does it completely depend on the couple?

Tell me your answer and WHY in the comments.

And ladies—read the other responses too. If you agree or disagree with someone, reply to her comment and tell us why. I want to hear how women are thinking about this.

Because here’s the distinction:

A man can enjoy you.
Be attracted to you.
Spend time with you.
Love having you in his life…

…and still have no real intention of marrying you.

A healthy, marriage-minded man doesn’t necessarily rush you.

But as the relationship progresses, you should experience increasing clarity—not increasing confusion.

You begin to see his intentions in his:

Consistency.
Planning.
Investment.
Conversations about the future.
Willingness to define the relationship.
And the way he begins making room for you in his life.

You shouldn’t have to become a detective to determine whether the man you’ve been dating sees you as his future wife.

So let’s have the conversation:

How long would YOU personally date a man without clear movement toward marriage before you started questioning the relationship?

And if you want my complete list of the behaviors I look for:

Comment “CLEAR” and I’ll send you all 6.

The number one sign that a man is serious about marrying you is that he is CLEAR in his intentions about you from day one.

He may not express them to you immediately but in his head, he has already categorized you as "wife material."

As you continue to date, he then will express it verbally and begin to build the relationship to transition into marriage.

Do you agree? Have you seen this pattern yourself?

There are SIX signs a marry plans to marry you. I give all six here and give you the blueprint for getting marriage minded men to pursue only you here. Let's see how many you get right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEtr7uTleWo

He wasn’t “fine.”

Before a Black man ever reaches the edge, three things almost always come first — and most of us miss every one.

1. He has no words for the pain.
We raise our boys to bury what they feel. Psychologists call it normative male alexithymia. By the time he’s grown, “I’m good” is the whole vocabulary — not because he’s hiding, but because nobody ever gave him the language.

2. He carries it alone.
It’s called John Henryism — pushing through relentless stress on sheer willpower until the body and the soul give out.
3. Two beliefs take over.

“I’m a burden.” “I don’t belong.” Dr. Thomas Joiner’s Interpersonal Theory of Su***de calls this the tipping point. So when you hear “y’all would be fine without me” — that is not venting. That is a warning.

Here’s the good news: you can interrupt all three.
Ask him — plainly: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” Asking does not plant the idea. It saves lives.

If he says yes: stay. Don’t leave him alone. Call or text 988 right there beside him.

Reaching out isn’t weak. It isn’t a lack of faith. It’s the bravest, most faithful thing he’ll ever do.

“He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3

Save this. Send it to a brother you love. It might be the message that keeps him here.

Men are desperately hurting emotionally and need to talk about their pain like never before.

I talk with Ebony Hilton about how to talk with Black men about mental health, severe depression and getting help without emasculating them.

This is why support for organizations like NAMI Georgia and Silence the Shame are so important and need your support to provide valuable resources to both men and women who really need to talk about their pain before it is too late.

What has worked in your family to get men to seek counseling and be empowered?

How To Stop Self Sabotaging Your Success

Have you ever prayed for the breakthrough… and then found yourself sabotaging it once it arrived?

You get the opportunity — then procrastinate.

You start getting noticed — then suddenly question whether you’re qualified.

The business starts growing — and instead of scaling, you get distracted.

Sometimes the problem isn’t your ability to succeed.

It’s your capacity to tolerate success.

Psychologist Gay Hendricks calls this the Upper Limit Problem — the tendency to unconsciously pull ourselves back toward the level of success, visibility or opportunity that feels familiar.

And Scripture gives us a powerful picture of what to do instead:

“Enlarge the place of thy tent… lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes.” — Isaiah 54:2

Sometimes God expands the opportunity while our psychology is still organized around our previous level.

So this week:

1. Name your ceiling. What level of success starts making you uncomfortable?

2. Watch what happens after a win. Do you procrastinate, doubt, distract yourself or create unnecessary conflict?

3. Enlarge the tent. Make one decision that fits where God is taking you — not just where you’ve been.

Maybe the prayer isn’t simply:

“God, give me more.”

Maybe it’s:

“God, increase my capacity to carry what I’ve been praying for.”

Now I want to hear from you:

How does self-sabotage show up when things start going well — procrastination, distraction, doubt, shrinking, or something else?

And if you want more faith + psychology tools for your career, relationships and emotional wellness, join us inside Transforming Circle. Link in bio.

God never intended for you to stay the same.

That brain fog. That short fuse. That tired-for-no-reason feeling…

It might not be you. It might be your grocery bill.

I’m Dr. Alduan Tartt — psychologist and minister, 28 years studying stress and how people bounce back. Here’s what rising prices are quietly doing to your mind 👇

1️⃣ THE BANDWIDTH TAX Your focus, memory, and self-control all run on one tank. When part of your brain is always doing math on “can I cover this,” that tank drains. Researchers found money stress can cost you the equivalent of about 13 IQ points — like running your whole life on zero sleep.

2️⃣ TUNNELING Scarcity narrows your view down to right now. This bill. This week. The future goes blurry. That’s why stress makes good people make short-term choices that hurt them later.

3️⃣ LEARNED HELPLESSNESS You try, prices climb anyway, and the brain quietly concludes “nothing I do matters” — so you stop trying. That’s the real trap.

Politicians like Mike Collins create a sense of learned helplessness when the vote to eliminate the healthcare tax credit that actually helps working families and small businesses afford health insurance, leaving many Georgians facing higher premiums or losing coverage altogether.

THE ONE THING TO REMEMBER: Higher prices aren’t just emptying your wallet. They’re taxing the very mind you need to fix it. Your stress is not a character flaw. It’s a bandwidth tax. Name it — and you take your brain back.

“Let’s not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don’t give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Tell Mike Collins to stop supporting an agenda that keeps raising the cost of living here in Georgia.