Lorry Plasterer

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20 Weeks! The halfway point 💖

This feels like SUCH an accomplishment! 💃🏽 Mix of OMG I MADE IT + the reality of being ONLY halfway 😅 It's getting hard to put boots on (I'll be giving up the Docs soon 👢), and getting harder to pick things up off the floor. 🍄🍄🍄 Mushroom hunting is now a full body MISSION vs feeling like an everyday neutral physical activity.

To recap everything so far: 1st trimester surprised me - you truly don't know until you are in it! Every pregnancy is different... it's a surprise deck of cards. 🃏

The things those hormones do to you are WILD! It's not just bouts of nausea - it's 24/7 for 3 months. 🤢 For us with super regular digestion systems? Dealing with sleeping intestines is a true shock... I have NEVER had constipation close to that... diet doesn't matter, it is a progesterone takeover like you didn't know existed. 😭

The level of exhaustion!? 😴💤Some women say first trimester exhaustion is WORSE than after birth sleeplessness and I would 100% not be surprised if I fall into that camp.

The back pain!? 🤕 I used to think it was related to belly size. NOPE! My 1st trimester back pain was 10x worse than it is now. First time moms getting that influx of relaxin and having their bones move for the first time since their teens in their late 30s and early 40s seem to have the early onset back issues... but like, it is no joke.

THE WORST PART: Nobody knows you are pregnant yet. You don't look pregnant, but you feel very pregnant. You haven't told hardly anyone yet, because getting safely past 12 weeks is the entire mission.

NOW at 20 weeks? - I am actually kinda enjoying pregnancy. 😲‼️⁉️ I KNOW. Slap me. But 2nd tri not so bad! And compared to 1st? OMG SO MUCH BETTER. Getting up out of bed sucks and I still get tired/ worn out, but I LOVE feeling him move. I'm actually growing an attachment, which changes everything. I still don't know if I could stomach EVER doing this again, but I'm soaking in the wins and good days!! 🥰

Let's talk about the inconsistency of pregnancy advice and regulations between states and countries... and over time. Because when I Google something, I need to remember to finish my question with "in Indiana" or "in the United States" or I might not get the right information. And then I need to look at the date, because these recommendations change... often.

Some of these topics are *trigger warnings* in and of themselves. Let me preface this by saying, I love my son so much already that it freaking hurts. This leads me to look up EVERYTHING. Like... actually everything. I'm a granola, crunchy, clean-eating, science-nerdy, cautious and curious first time mom, with prior loss (burst ectopic). The last thing I could handle was doing something that might put him (or myself) in harm's way because I failed to do my due diligence. This means I'm going to look into everything I can, be thoroughly cautious, and insatiably curious about developmental science. Every day there are questions that come up about the impacts of diet, nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle. My algorithm is forever changed!

I also lived a decade in LA, so now I have mom friends across the country and the world. I see and read their posts. We do not have the same experiences.

I know you mamas have been there - what was accepted as hard truth just a couple decades ago, is now potentially tantamount to ab*se... Let alone standard operating procedures 50 years ago!! The most obvious: DOCTOR RECOMMENDED drinking w**e and smoking cigs. Not to mention BACK VS TUMMY SLEEPING!! In general, it is all so nerve wracking. We all seek the latest recommendations with the same intention: the safest and healthiest possible outcomes! The curious amongst us has to wonder - what advice will change next? What thing will we do, thinking we were doing the best for our child, just to find out in 10 years that we should have never done such a thing!? OR visa versa - that this thing we avoided, was actually beneficial and we should have been including it in our care routine.

So... I'm sorry in advance, but I'm going to go into a bunch of taboo topics. My disclaimer: by no means am I dissing ANY of you, or your parents, of their parents and so on for their choices during pregnancy and breastfeeding! Nor am I recommending or advocating for or against anything. Simply, this is meant to point out the discrepancies and to air out some of the thoughts I keep going back to. There is already a lot of judgement out there on all of this, I am NOT trying to add to that! PLEASE BE KIND!

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EXAMPLES:

POTTY TRAINING: Did you know that in the 1950s, 92% of babies were potty trained by 18 months? And today, 18 months is about when most people start. I blame the diaper industries for that one. We will be cloth diapering plus elimination training from week 1. I already know this one is going to bring out the defensiveness in many moms and dads! I AM NOT JUDGING YOU, just because I'm going to do things differently than you. And I will report back, honestly, about how this all works out for us. Every baby is a bit different, as is every household dynamic. Personally, I was potty trained VERY early with no issues, and the thought of a kid over 2 still going in their pants freaks me out.

SLEEPING: Back sleeping is the hard rule now, with no stuffies or blankies in the crib. Belly sleeping with blankets (how most of us were raised) would be considered borderline ab*sive today! In reality, it wasn't until 1992 that research indicated back sleeping was safer and helped deter SIDS because of suffocation, and it wasn't until 1994 that "Back is Best" became the official recommendation and slogan. "Safe to Sleep" happened in 2012 to include firm mattress/ surfaces and crib safety.

CORD AROUND THE NECK x OLD WIVES TALES: Early on, I was told not to raise my arms over my head because it could wrap the cord around baby's neck. This was my first introduction to old wives tales mistaken for fact! The big news: the cord around the neck, really isn't dangerous. Nuchal cord, as it is called, is very common, happens in utero frequently, and does NOT strangle them as they do not breathe through their mouth/ nose/ throat until after they're out of the womb. Also, not lifting your arms over your head for almost 10 months sounds like it would be horrible on your body and should be reserved for healing serious injuries!

DRINKING WHILE BREASTFEEDING: This one has recently evolved to be "Just don't get drunk" - as long as you could drive in an emergency, you are likely totally fine and no need to pump and dump. You can follow the rule of 2 hours per drink, or the safest option of just... not drinking when you have an infant in your care. At least, the science now is legit! We know that blood alcohol level = breastmilk alcohol level. So if you are DRUNK, as in BAL of .1%, then your breastmilk has a .1% alcohol content - a similar level to most fruit juices! Being drunk or tipsy and caring for an infant is way more dangerous in and of itself than alcohol in your breast milk. B**r is known to even aid in lactation!

DRINKING WHILE PREGNANT: To put this into perspective... IT WAS NOT UNTIL 1981 THAT EXPECTANT MOTHERS WERE RECOMMENDED TO NOT DRINK AT ALL WHILE PREGNANT!! Personally, it was a no brainer to stop and not even think about it... because it is 2026 and we should all know better by now. Then the other night, A NURSE told me I was fine to have a few sips of w**e! To be clear: I did not. It is so much easier to just be a purist and say no to everything questionable, plus better for peace of mind. But I can't help thinking... what IS the reality of fetal alcohol syndrome, and the effects of "just a little bit" considering the scale of boomer population who were pretty much all alcohol and cigarette babies...

CANNABIS AND C*D: Prior to federal prohibition in the United States in 1937, cannabis was widely accepted in Western medicine and common in women's reproductive health care. Now, the whole US technically follows the regulation of "just don't do it while pregnant or breastfeeding." For me, it was a no-brainer "No" (following the generally accepted AGOG and CDC recommendation plus of course being in a prohibition state), yet, I have friends in CA who SWEAR by how it helped during pregnancy! Add to the confusion, that the legality of it all from state to state means that a mom taking full spectrum C*D for nausea in one state, could end up with a CPS visit (since there is testing throughout the pregnancy and at delivery via cord tissue). I know I have ppl on here from all over, so please remember: MEDICAL CANNABIS HAS BEEN LEGAL IN CALI FOR 30 YEARS. Literally 1996. Doctors have absolutely recommended it to pregnant and lactating mothers, regardless of AGOG and CDC recommendations. While all of this is taboo to even talk about in Indiana, for the West Coast homies, it is fully normalized. They cannot relate to us out here... and visa versa. So, is cannabis the alcohol and ci******es of the 1950s? Or will we find out we should have been recommending it for nausea and anxiety the past 89 years? Abstaining is the easy answer, but it is true that we lack real, legitimate studies. Not just for pregnancy, but for cancer treatment, pain relief, anxiety and PTSD... so many things that we KNOW it can help, yet here we are... in Indiana... in a state that still criminalizes possession, while its citizens spend a reported 2 BILLION in surrounding states (hello property tax solution... cough cough). Of course, it is always better to air on the side of caution when information is lacking.

PRESCRIPTION AND OTC MEDS: Holy moly where to begin. Do this, don't do that. Don't do too much of that or it is harmful, but a little is beneficial. I'm doing none of it - easily, because I have no prescriptions and I don't normally use OTC meds anyways, but I feel AWFUL for moms that need to be on xyz med to survive/ thrive. In some of these situations, they worry the entire 40 weeks about possible effects... as if regularly scheduled pregnancy anxiety isn't enough - I'm so sorry for any of you mamas that are in this boat! Even Tylenol... like how do we know what to believe and who to trust? What scientific reports and studies aren't bought and paid for be the parties that benefit financially? What side effects are worth it? It's not like the fetus can tell us!

VACCINES: Gosh I don't know if I even want to touch this one. I think probably best to leave this mostly alone, honestly. I'll just say, I recently learned about the vaccines given within 24 hours of life and I had a bit of a meltdown. I never questioned DTAP and MMR... but newborn vaccines!? NONE OF THIS IS EASY!

ABORTION AS HEALTHCARE: Another big one. The ENTIRE point here, is the healthcare definition vs state/ political definition and how this effects the worst case scenarios. For a moment, we have to isolate the conversation to the moms who wanted their babies to make it. God forbid, something happens, and the little one is... gone, or just... not gonna pull through, or mom's life is on the line. Our legislators took the definition of "An abortion is the ending of a pregnancy before the fetus can survive outside the womb" to mean that the fetus AND mother could have and would have survived - ignoring that "ending the pregnancy" in any way other than via childbirth (natural or cesarian) isn't always so... cut and dry. Now trust me - watching my baby move around and hearing his heartbeat at just 10 weeks - I understand where the "pro-life" people are coming from. A lot more development happens a lot earlier than most people know. So, truly ELECTIVE abortions - as in, not due to r**e or in**st, and not for the sake of the mother's life, and not for an unviable pregnancy - need to be done very, very early to be humane. But being in a state that fails to recognize all the many ways abortions must be used as life saving and humane healthcare... it is scary. The term "abortion" is pretty blanket slate for any kind of eviction from the womb. My ectopic was a spontaneous abortion. And in a way, I'm lucky that particular situation was really cut and dry - because no mother who has miscarried, wants to think of their miscarriage as an abortion. But if it came to the "save me or the fetus who cannot survive outside of the womb" point... well, I wouldn't be in a position to care what word you used. And of course, I find it strange that just 115 miles away in Michigan, the conversation looks very different than here in Indiana.

DIET AND NUTRITION: Eat this, don't eat that! My lord though, from one country to the next - what a difference. Maori eating raw fish out of the ocean... Americans eating McDonald's fries like they're a food group. I'll just say, I'm more grateful for the gardens this year vs any other year, and I'm super glad I would have never been the "my baby was made from fast food and Diet Coke" kinda lady. Red 40, glyphosate soaked veg... oh boy. The latest example has been GARLIC! Apparently it used to be recommended NOT to eat garlic while breastfeeding, because it could upset the baby's stomach... whereas we now know that it changes the flavor of breastmilk in a way babies LOVE! Not only do they tend to nurse more actively, but it is shown to improve milk production. Garlic milk it is! 🧄🥛

EXERCISE AND HEAVY LIFTING: The amount of times I've been told to "take it easy" when I KNOW something is well within a safe ability range for me, has honestly led me to be a bit anti-social. When you are pregnant, you are pretty constantly being judged for your actions. I wouldn't do ANYTHING I felt would be harmful in any way (if I haven't made that abundantly clear already), but the reality is - these moms (and dads) really think they are looking out for me and baby. The intentions are pure and good! They don't mean any harm! And it comes honestly. It wasn't until 1985 that AGOG updated their guidelines to basically include ANY physical workout. Like... ANY. It wasn't until 1994 that moderate exercise was added to the "OK" list. Through 2002-2020, updates were added consistently, and we now know that you really don't need to change much about your prior routine or lifestyle, and that being physical is GOOD during pregnancy. If you lifted a bunch before, keep on lifting - just use common sense. Refrain from super high exertion week 8-12 and don't do things that put weight on your belly. Don't lay flat on your back for long periods of time especially later on in pregnancy. No contact sports, horseback riding, skiing, scuba diving, or high altitude climbs. The one rule that ACTUALLY effected me the most? Exercise in extreme heat or humidity... because basically everything I do on the regular, all summer long, could kinda fall into this category. But you bet your butt I still shoveled mulch and compost into the garden, moved potted plants, worked on the building, handled landscaping, carried around camera gear and shot in the heat, and painted outdoors this summer! I was MUCH more cautious than normal, and asked for help a LOT more than normal, but for the most part I kept up. First trimester exhaustion and nausea slowed me down more than routine changes for the sake of physical concerns! I've still managed to gain just over a pound a week, and I have no doubt that postpartum will be more pleasant since I kept active... including things that would stress out most moms of the 80s!

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I could go on, but I'll stop there. Might come back to this subject, but that is enough for now. I'm curious your thoughts on all of this! What did you do that was TOTALLY different than your parents? What is common in the state or country you live in now, compared to a different one you lived in? What old recommendation do you find hilarious, and what new one do you think will be replaced by the time our kids are having kids of their own?

Baby is half baked, healthy, and everything went great!! Somehow he's the 68th percentile 😳 how the heck I have a "big" baby is beyond me, but that couldn't have gone better! He was moving and grooving, which corroborates what I've been feeling (like he doesn't sleep, lol) and I'm up 22 lbs! And he's already a cutie!!!

Baby is half baked, healthy, and everything went great!! Somehow he's the 68th percentile 😳 how the heck I have a "big" baby is beyond me, but that couldn't have gone better! He was moving and grooving, which corroborates what I've been feeling (like he doesn't sleep, lol) and I'm up 22 lbs! And he's already a cutie!!!

As per my last post: I did NOT cry 😅 but came close to happy tears there at the end when we were assured everything is going "great" and he looks "wonderful!"

Anatomy scan and a bunch of other tests today 😭😭😭 Mamas: tell me you were a panicky mess the day of your 20 week appointment too!! 😬🤮🤪 Doesn't help I'm in the 35+ club and have to get a deluxe version. 100% confident I will be crying on the table (and I have NOT been a cryer during this whole thing, at all, but today has me absolutely level 11)

This is what "taking it easy" looked like for me today (at 19 weeks pregnant) - and you guys, I felt normal! Being told to constantly take it easy has become really exhausting. I'm covered in paint, mud, sweat, and a little rain. I cleaned out two chest freezers and am about to process sweet corn, chanterelles, chicken of the woods, cucumbers, zucchini and yellow squash. 🍄🍅🌽

No makeup, no meetings, not being told not to lift heavy things. It was wonderful. 2nd trimester energy is so refreshing... and not being told what I can and can't do? Priceless. I can only imagine the terrified faces watching me climb over logs and bend down to pick with 25 lbs in my bag! I know there are plenty of people who believe that you can lift and maneuver safely during pregnancy. But I've experienced a lot of moments where I'm told to sit on the sidelines. I know my body, I know my limits, and I also know that acting like I'm made out of glass has driven me absolutely to the brink of sanity. I've had a healthy pregnancy staying perfectly active, and I do know when I need to sideline myself or say no.

So today I foraged, harvested, carried frozen jugs of maple water, ate fresh veggies out of the garden, climbed up and down muddy banks, hiked miles, and was able to finally imagine my life with a little one vs feeling trapped in this restrictive pregnant world.

I will probably hark on this a lot, but toxic positivity about pregnancy is NOT healthy, mentally. It's ok to not love being pregnant. I repeat: IT IS OK TO NOT LOVE BEING PREGNANT!! It's okay to wake up in the middle of the night kinda freaked out about it all. It's okay to admit WE ALL HATED FIRST TRIMESTER THE MOST! I love my little one already. LOVE HIM. I love that I can finally feel him move around! I even kinda love my bump. But I have HATED how I am made to almost feel guilty about not loving pregnancy, not wanting to ever go through it again, not wanting to just chill and flop around. So, today, was awesome. I will be going through the rest of this pregnancy without the voices of others telling me restrictions I don't feel are actually helpful or necessary. If the rest of pregnancy is more like today, I might just decide, that I kinda dig it.

Stepped away from the computer, caught a break in the rain, took advantage of 2nd trimester energy... good hunt today and harvest is coming on strong!