The Awkward Sleep

Up on the bridge,
into your sight,
always felt timid,
under the lights

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A love letter to trip-hop.

The last year and a half has been the hardest of my life. With my mother suddenly dying, the whole world seemed unreal, and I’ve spent the last months finally coming up for air.

There was a time I felt I couldn’t even listen to music anymore, and certainly not anything that made me feel.

But over the past few months, I’ve been working really hard on reimagining what my next chapter will be. That’s meant unraveling years of trauma and the underlying shame that often comes with it.

I spend my days helping others as a psychotherapist, but I rarely stop to think about me.

And, as an act of awareness and awakening, I started listening to music again.

Time and time again, I found myself returning to this song by

I felt it to be so perfect for the cluster of emotions that had held me hostage most my life. I learned from my mother that it’s not worth it to hold onto suffering anymore.

So I asked Ty to cover it tonight, as another way of holding space for the Rupa who has lived so many other lives. And in this next chapter, I’m learning to finally let others truly see me. And I’m most certainly not accepting much in the way of judgment or passive apathy around me these days. it’s just not what my mama would have wanted.

I’m learning as much in her absence as I did when she was here.

And damn, I miss her. I miss her laugh especially.

I hope someone else is able to lean into their sorrow with me today, and remember that you are worthy and loved and imperfectly perfect.

And that maybe time and a beautifully written tune is all you need to feel connected and tethered to the world again.