Pur Pups

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 10 of 10

When I first started going to the program, I thought I was there to meet adults with disabilities.

I was wrong.

I met people who wanted friends.

People who wanted to be accepted.

People who wanted to be noticed.

People who fell in love.

People who got their hearts broken.

People who laughed, argued, forgave, worried, and hoped.

In other words…

I met people.

The program didn’t teach me that people with disabilities are different.

It taught me that we are far more alike than we are different.

We all want to belong.

We all want someone to believe in us.

We all want to feel like we matter.

If this series changed anything for me, it’s this:

I’ve stopped trying to understand disabilities.

I’ve started trying to understand people.

I think that’s a much better place to begin.

Ten posts ago, I thought this series would be about the program.

It turned out to be about people.

Thank you to everyone who shared your stories with me along the way.

If this series changed the way you think about adults with disabilities, I’d love to hear what stayed with you the most.

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 9 of 10

I thought people needed advice.

I was wrong.

Most of the time, people don’t need someone to fix them.

They need someone to listen.

The program taught me that there is a big difference between helping someone and trying to change them.

When people are struggling, our instinct is often to jump in with solutions.

I’ve done it myself.

But what I’ve noticed is that people open up more when they feel understood than when they feel corrected.

What surprised me most is how powerful it can be to simply sit with someone.

To listen.

To be present.

To let them tell their story without immediately turning it into a problem that needs to be solved.

Understanding begins when we stop preparing our response and start paying attention.

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can say is nothing at all.

Do you think people listen enough, or are we too busy trying to fix each other?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 8 of 10

I thought people wanted to be accepted for who they are.

I was wrong.

People want that.

But they also want to feel important.

The program taught me that being noticed matters more than I realized.

People light up when someone remembers their name.

When someone asks how they’re doing.

When someone notices they got a haircut.

When someone saves them a seat.

Those moments seem small.

They’re not.

What surprised me most is how many people walk around feeling invisible.

Not just at the program.

Everywhere.

The older I get, the more I think one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your attention.

Because attention tells a person:

“I see you.”

And that’s something everyone needs.

Most people are carrying an invisible need to be seen.

Who made you feel seen when you needed it most?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 7 of 10

I thought loneliness came from being alone.

I was wrong.

I’ve learned that you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.

You can sit at a table with others and feel invisible.

You can be part of a group and still wonder if you belong.

The program taught me that loneliness isn’t always about the absence of people.

Sometimes it’s the absence of connection.

What surprised me most is how much a simple conversation can matter.

A hello.

A smile.

Someone remembering your name.

Someone saving you a seat.

Small things can make a person feel like they matter.

And sometimes that’s exactly what they need.

Never underestimate the power of making someone feel included.

What’s a small act of kindness that you’ve never forgotten?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 6 of 10

I thought everyone wanted the same thing from friendship.

I was wrong.

Some people want a best friend.

Some people want a group.

Some people want someone to talk to at lunch.

Some people just want to feel included.

The program taught me that friendship isn’t one-size-fits-all.

For some people, one good friend is enough.

For others, being part of a community matters more.

What surprised me most was realizing how often people get hurt when they expect others to meet needs they never communicated.

The older I get, the more I think friendship is less about finding the perfect people and more about finding people who understand each other.

And that starts with knowing what you’re actually looking for.

Not everyone is looking for the same kind of connection.

What’s more important to you: a few close friends or a larger circle of acquaintances?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 5 of 10

I thought confidence was something you either had or you didn’t.

I was wrong.

At the program, I’ve met people who are terrified to join a conversation but do it anyway.

People who are nervous about making friends but keep trying.

People who have been rejected, excluded, or hurt and still show up the next day.

That’s when I realized confidence isn’t what I thought it was.

Confidence isn’t walking into a room without fear.

Confidence is walking into the room even when you’re afraid.

The program taught me that some of the bravest people I’ve ever met don’t look brave at all.

They’re just quietly refusing to give up.

Sometimes courage is not loud. Sometimes it looks like showing up one more time.

Who is someone you know that is quietly brave?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 4 of 10

I thought adults would be done with bullying.

I was wrong.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to accept is that some people never really outgrow it.

The names change.

The methods change.

The setting changes.

But the behavior is still there.

People get excluded.

People gossip.

People pick sides.

People try to make themselves feel bigger by making someone else feel smaller.

I used to think bullying was something that belonged in high school.

The program taught me that it can show up anywhere.

What matters is learning to recognize it for what it is.

And remembering that someone else’s behavior says more about them than it does about you.

I wish this wasn’t true. But pretending it doesn’t happen doesn’t make it go away.

Did you think bullying ended when people became adults?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 3 of 10

I assumed that because everyone at the program had challenges of their own, people would naturally be more understanding of each other.

I was wrong.

What surprised me most was realizing that insecurity doesn’t disappear just because someone has experienced hardship.

People still compare themselves to others.

People still get jealous.

People still compete for attention.

People still want to feel important.

The program taught me that pain doesn’t automatically make people kinder.

Sometimes it does.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

What makes people kinder is understanding their own struggles and choosing not to pass that pain on to someone else.

That’s a very different thing.

And it’s a lesson I’m still learning.

Going through something difficult doesn’t automatically teach us empathy. Sometimes it just gives us the opportunity to learn it.

Do you think hardship naturally makes people more compassionate?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 2 of 10

I thought making friends would be easier as an adult.

I was wrong.

One of the biggest surprises at the program was realizing that adults still struggle with the same things they struggled with in school.

People still want to fit in.

People still worry about being left out.

People still get their feelings hurt.

People still wonder if anyone really likes them.

I used to think those insecurities disappeared when people got older.

Now I think they just get quieter.

The program taught me something important.

Most adults are still looking for the same thing they were looking for when they were kids.

A place to belong.

Maybe we never outgrow the need to belong.

What surprised you most about adulthood?

What I Learned From Going to the Program

Post 1 of 10

When I first joined the program, I thought I knew what to expect.

I thought I was going to meet adults with disabilities.

What I didn’t expect was how quickly it started to feel like a small version of the real world.

There were friendships.

Inside jokes.

People who got along.

People who didn’t.

People looking for connection.

People trying to find where they fit in.

The more time I spent there, the more I realized something.

A disability may change part of a person’s experience.

But it doesn’t stop them from being human.

And humans are complicated.

I think that’s the first thing the program taught me.

Sometimes the biggest lessons are not the ones you expected to learn.

Have you ever joined something and discovered it was completely different than you imagined?