CBS Counseling

Our back school therapy group starts next week! Find out more through the link in bio. Happy first (or second!) week of school to all the kids, teachers, and parents!

Leaving a harmful relationship can come with a lot to process. These are a few books I’ve found helpful for better understanding destructive relationship dynamics and navigating what comes next. While books can be a valuable resource, they are not a substitute for professional support. Consider reaching out to a therapist or other qualified professional for individualized support.

A note before reading: These books discuss abuse, manipulation, and other potentially distressing experiences. If you are still living with your partner, please also be mindful of your safety and privacy when accessing these resources. And, as always, take care of yourself while reading.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Meg Josephson writes about the all-too-familiar experience of fearing someone is mad at you. She reflects on her childhood and the ways trauma and the fawning response led her to constantly overthink relational dynamics. Josephson explains the different factors that can lead someone to overinterpret other people’s reactions or get stuck in mental loops, assuming they have done something wrong if someone’s tone changes or they take longer than usual to respond.

This book is a major asset to those of us who are people-pleasers, perfectionists, or have an anxious attachment style. It does a great job of normalizing these patterns based on previous life experiences while also providing hope that relationships do not always have to feel like walking on eggshells. These fears inevitably work their way into many aspects of a person’s life and can be debilitating if left unaddressed.
My one critique of this book is that many of the obsessive thoughts and reassurance-seeking patterns she discusses are also characteristic of OCD. I would be curious to hear how she separates fawning and people-pleasing from OCD when the presentation can look so similar. OCD is frequently misdiagnosed because it can appear to be made up of “normal” behaviors taken to an extreme. I DM’d the author about this, so stay tuned if she follows up!!

Not every trauma response looks like fighting, fleeing, or freezing. Sometimes it looks like people-pleasing.

Boundaries aren’t barriers to intimacy. They’re one of the things that make genuine intimacy possible. Learning how they protect relationships can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Michaeleen Doucleff challenges the common assumption that dopamine is simply a “pleasure chemical,” explaining instead that it is more closely tied to wanting and motivation. She explores why children are drawn to technology and ultraprocessed foods, even when those things don’t actually make them happier or more satisfied. Drawing on research, neuroscience, and her own family’s experiences, Doucleff offers a practical framework for helping children naturally gravitate toward more meaningful and rewarding activities.

This book blew me away. While it is written for parents, many of its themes are just as relevant to adults. One idea that especially stood out to me was the importance of hobbies with a satisfying ending: a bike ride that leaves you sun-kissed, sweaty, and pleasantly tired, or cooking a meal from fresh ingredients to share with people you love. In contrast, quick dopamine fixes often leave us wanting more, scrolling just one more time in hopes that the next video will finally satisfy the itch. Whether you’re a parent or not, I highly recommend this book. Whether you’re a parent or not, I highly recommend this book. My only disclaimer is that some of Doucleff’s family rules can feel unrealistic for the average family. Take what works, leave what doesn’t, and know that even small changes can have a meaningful impact.

These are the books I find myself recommending over and over again in couples therapy as well as individual therapy. Relationships are so important in our life. Let’s take care of them well!

Mental Health Awareness Month reminder:

Burnout is not always obvious. Sometimes it looks more like emotional flatness, brain fog, irritability, withdrawal, or struggling to care about things you normally enjoy.

If you have ADHD, it can feel like your mind is always going a mile a minute, jumping from one thing to the next, even when you don’t want it to. That doesn’t mean you’re lazy or not trying hard enough. It just means your “brakes” need a little help. And the right tools can make a huge difference.