The KindMinds Co.

Your FaultFinder tends to take over thought-writing
when your amygdala is working hard.

The amygdala is designed to protect us from rejection, disconnection, embarrassment, and danger.

But when emotions run high, it can become harder for the PFC (prefrontal cortex) to see the full picture clearly.

That is where Scientist, Friend, + Surfer can help:
🧠 Scientist gets curious.
🤍 Friend responds with compassion.
🌊 Surfer focuses on the next steady step forward.

Because a KindMind is not about ignoring hard feelings.
It is about learning how to respond to them differently.

Yesterday, I asked: “Do you scroll more than you’d like?”
100% voted: YES
That is my vote too, and I’m working on it.

As a psychologist, I know this has nothing to do with laziness, rather the executive functioning skill of shifting.

Shifting gets harder when we are tired and stressed.

That is where Scientist, Friend, + Surfer can help:

🧠 Scientist notices what is happening
🤍 Friend highlights the conflict between values + behavior with kindness instead of shame
🌊 Surfer focuses on the next tiny movement forward

Tiny movements may seem too small to matter, but small steps help the brain build momentum.

Each tiny action gives the brain feedback that change is possible, helping strengthen new pathways over time.

If this feels hard, it is because it is hard.
And you have what it takes to do hard things.

This morning, I asked a few questions in my stories.

The percentages were split for most, but
100% of voters answered YES to one question…
“Do you scroll more than you’d like?”

That’s my vote too, and I’m working on it.

As a psychologist, I know this has anything to do with laziness.

It’s shifting- moving our attention, thoughts, or behavior from one thing to another.

Shifting gets harder when we are tired and stressed.

That is where Scientist, Friend, + Surfer can help:

🧠 Scientist- notices what is happening
🤍 Friend- highlights the conflict between values + behavior with kindness instead of shame
🌊 Surfer- focuses on the next tiny movement forward

Tiny movements may seem too small to matter, but small steps help the brain build momentum.

Each tiny action gives the brain feedback that change is possible, helping strengthen new pathways over time.

If this feels hard, it is because it is hard.
And you have what it takes to do hard things.

Dr. K

In my 13 years as a child psychologist, I have lost track of how many times I’ve said- “The amygdala is like a baby. You can’t just tell it you’re safe. You must show it.”

However, as a mom, I have not always taken my own advice. At times, I’ve expected my words to quiet an amygdala. But words are only part of the story and not the most important part.

Instead of trying to convince your child (or yourself) that new or surprising does not equal dangerous, you must work to show them. To come up with steps, they can approach, with the goal of teaching their amygdala.

What is a fear your child is struggling with? Let me know below. I’m working on the next lesson which will focus on how to create an approach plan!

We often tell kids, “Don’t worry, it’ll get easier.” And we don’t always challenge them when they deflect a compliment with a- “That’s easy now.”

Both are missed opportunities.

These small moments are chances to strengthen a child’s internal locus of control, or the belief that your effort shapes your outcomes. It’s one of the most powerful predictors of resilience, academic success, and emotional wellbeing in children.

My goal as a mom is to raise “I can figure this out” kids, and as a child psychologist, to help my patients see themselves that way too.

So one of my most used child-psychologist/mom-isms is: “Did it get easier, or did you get better?”

I say it so often my kids mouth it along with me (complete with an eye roll).

When we highlight that the task didn’t change, they did, we give our kids something more powerful than reassurance. We give them evidence.

The message is this: “It might feel easier. But the task is the same. You changed. Your brain changed. That’s neuroscience. Every time you push through something hard, you are literally building new neural pathways.”

In KindMinds language: “The wave didn’t get smaller. You became a more confident surfer.”

So next time your child say, “That’s easy now,” ask them: “Is it easier, or did you get better?”