Sober Life

October 05

Enjoy Life
"We learn how to play and enjoy life in ACA." BRB p. 572

Many of us who grew up in alcoholic or dysfunctional homes had little time or opportunity for play. Faced with adult chaos, much of our early life was spent in survival mode.

In ACA, we learn that living life in our rearview mirror is not really living. Letting go of the past allows us to experience the present without the blinders that keep us from joy.

But where is the joy? It's not something that we can just sit around and wait for. Joy is to be sought. It's everywhere, but it must be found; it will not find us. We must open our eyes, our minds, and our hearts to search it out.

Joy is giving to others with no expectation of return. It's hugging someone who needs it or stopping at a shelter to walk a homeless dog. When we bring joy to others we bring it into our own lives.

On this day I will find the joy that is all around me that's just waiting for me to experience it.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

October 4

Your three best doctors are faith, time, and patience.
—From a fortune cookie

Only a short time ago, we were very sick. Getting sober made us so much better. At first, when we stopped drinking and using other drugs, we thought we were fixed. Then we began to see that we were not all that well.

No doctor can fix us. To get well, we need to keep living by the Twelve Steps and the slogans of our program. We need to keep on trusting that our Higher Power will heal us. One Day at a Time, day after day, we get stronger and happier.

And it never has to stop. Each day, we know ourselves a little better.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, You are my best doctor. Help me remember that.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll do what the “doctor” suggests. I will talk with my sponsor about Step Ten today.

October 3

Be aware of your intentions

Your inner self is literal and does not understand ambiguity so whenever you direct it to manifest your desires, give it absolutely literal instructions. … Your natural self is quite fond of accomplishing the tasks you give it. It loves to display its skills and perform for you and others, and can do nearly anything (within the realm of possibility) that you can conceive.
–Enid Hoffman

Be clear on your intentions.

Intentions are more than mere wishes. An intention is will mixed with emotions and desire. For instance, I can sit here and wish the house were cleaner. When I put all else aside, take my frustration about the mess and channel it into energy and my desire for tidiness, I can say, “I will spend one hour straightening up.”

Sometimes we make our intentions known to other people. For instance, we might start dating someone, and it’s our intention to eventually marry. Intentions can turn into manipulation when we don’t make them clear. They can also involve control, in the worse sense, when they involve changing the free will of someone else.

The best place to start is by making our intentions clear to ourselves. What do you want? In regards to your life situations, like work or finances, what are your intentions?

Sometimes our good intentions can run totally amok. For instance, we might intend to get a person sober, but they may have no desire to sober up. We can avoid a lot of painful manipulations, if we’re clear about our intentions.

Watch yourself as you go through life encountering different situations. Do you have an agenda? Do you even know what it is? Sometimes our intentions are less than conscious, hidden right below the surface. For instance, we may have an intention to get married and have someone support us so we don’t have to support ourselves. Are someone else’s intentions influencing your own?

When you start any project, a new relationship, or just a new day, spend a moment and get quiet. Be clear with yourself and others on what your intentions are. Then surrender those intentions to God.

God, please help me align my intentions and desires with your highest good will for my life.

October 2
Living or Waiting?
Using time wisely

What is the real secret of living 24 hours at a time? Isn’t it really a matter of feeling completely comfortable in the present rather than believing that happiness depends on something in the future?

Whatever our situation today, it’s something we must life through and deal with effectively. We may be overlooking many wonderful things in our present life simply because we believe we need some exciting experience that can only come later on.

We also might be overlooking present opportunities because we’re spending too much time in the past. The past, whether it was god or bad, is beyond our control.

Our mission is to live effectively and happily today. We can do this best when we realize that yesterday and tomorrow don’t really exist… today is all we can be sure of.

I’ll live today in the present, handling every problem as well as I can and enjoying every experience that comes to me.

October 01

Keep Coming Back
"We keep coming back because ACA is a way of life that fulfills us emotionally and spiritually." BRB p. 334

When we first walked into an ACA meeting, we may understandably have felt apprehension. We may have hit a bottom and went to the meeting hoping to find relief, but were equally afraid that we might not find any answers.

We may have found a meeting where there were some light-hearted people who didn't seem at all like our family members. Or maybe the meeting resonated with a pall of silence and sadness. In either case, what we found was a group of authentic people willing to be happy or sad and not deny their truths.

Someone asked us if we were new and if we had any questions. Perhaps we found it hard to even speak at that point. But we were invited to "Keep Coming Back," and told that when we had questions, someone would be glad to help us find the answers.

Now, as we keep coming back, we see the beauty of it all. Since our first meeting, members were receptive, open, and honest. They encouraged us to get comfortable. As we have heard the format repeated each time, our sense of safety and trust has grown. The people in the meeting have allowed us to be ourselves. All of this occurred through actions that radiated love, acceptance, and understanding.

On this day I renew my commitment to be part of a group whose actions come from an attitude of love and understanding of my needs as an adult child.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

September 30
How do we communicate?
Carrying the message.

What we are always carries a stronger message than what we say. This is why we’re sometimes turned off by people who seek to overwhelm us with charm. It’s also why we can sometimes be drawn to people who are quiet and unassuming.

However it works, there is a powerful message in one’s unspoken thoughts and feelings. We can usually sense, for example, the mood of people in a room, even when little is being said. If we spend any time with others, they will soon know much about us even if we say little.

This silent communication may be the great secret of AA’s success in reaching those who still suffer. If we are living sober and want to help others, that’s he message we give out. That’s also a form of carrying the message.

I’ll communicate today by maintaining a warm and friendly attitude toward every person I meet, knowing that thoughts and feelings speak louder than words.

September 29
When should I be Grateful?
Gratitude

One spiritual writer believed that our only reason for gratitude should be that we are part of God’s universe. Others point out that gratitude helps us, not God or the other people to whom we are grateful.

Their point is that it’s not very uplifting simply to tie our gratitude to certain gifts or benefits. Such gratitude is fairly shallow and is almost no more than good manners. As recovering alcoholics, we need more than that.

The best reason for gratitude is the outlook it creates as we cultivate it within ourselves. We will actually feel mentally and physically uplifted if we know true gratitude. This is the true spiritual outlook alcoholics seek in the bottle but can find only in the new way of life.

I’ll find ways to practice gratitude today without letting others know what I’m doing.

September 28

Spiritual Experience
"Education alone is not enough to gain the greatest benefit from our spiritual experience. We also learn that spiritual experiences have greater meaning when matched with a dedication to work the ACA program." BRB p. 284

Most ACAs like to read. Our bookshelves, nightstands, or e-readers may be full of books, and certainly some of them provide guidance. But all the knowledge we may gain from reading will only be as good as the effort we make to use that information in our recovery process.

Recovery work, that four-letter word that many of us have avoided at great lengths, seems to be the catalyst for our spiritual growth. Our spiritual work may consist of reading, regularly supplemented with attending and sharing consistently and honestly at meetings, taking the Steps with fellow travelers, journaling, and giving service. Yes, it seems like a daunting list of tasks. It may even seem impossible. It's hard to get used to taking care of ourselves.

We know we can be gentle with ourselves, that some of the work will become a habit after a time, and that some of the work will have a different feel at different stages of our recovery. We practice patience and tolerance with ourselves, and softly allow the spiritual experience to flow naturally and easily.

On this day I will practice working the ACA program's many facets with ease and grace, realizing that the spiritual experience comes with work.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

September 27

Honesty is the backbone of our recovery program. Honesty opens us up. It breaks down the walls we had built around our secret world. Those walls made a prison for us. But all of that is now changed. We are free.

Honesty has made us wise. We aren’t sneaking drinks anymore. We don’t have a stash to protect.

People who didn’t trust us now depend on our honesty. People who worked hard to avoid us, now seek us out. Self-honesty is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, You are truth. I pray that I may not turn away from truth. I will not lie. My life depends on honesty.

Action For the Day: For twenty or thirty minutes, I will think about how learning to be honest has changed my life.

September 26
Feeling Protected

Our task is not a naive one of feeling safe, of living and loving in a utopian world. One woman commented that our task is making ourselves feel safe while learning to live and love in a world that is unsafe.

We do not want to dwell on the danger for that gives power to the negative. Neither do we want to ignore them or pretend they don’t exist.

If we were going to sunbathe, we would not be naive about the dangers from the sun. We know that harmful rays can burn. We would take steps to protect ourselves, so that we could enjoy the benefits of the sun.

That is our task in recovery.

This is what a woman, a helping professional, told me:

Picture a sunscreen surrounding you. Place it around yourself – not too heavy and thick so no light can pe*****te, and not so thin that you are exposed to danger.

See yourself protected by a sunscreen that is effective. Make certain that the screen is open to the good. For a while, your screen was too heavy. It held back what you wanted. Now change it to let the good come through.

This is your screen for life and the world. See it. Imagine it surrounding you always. It wraps you in love, in comfort, in protection. No harm can enter. No negative energy can pe*****te the screen.

Go in peace; go in safety. Go now, knowing you are protected. Go anywhere you need to go. The evil has been blocked; the goodwill comes pouring forth. You do not have to work so hard at protecting yourself. You can relax and enjoy life trusting that you are safe. Go without fear, for you are wrapped in love and protection. And you shall always be.

Today, I will envision myself wrapped in a shield that blocks the negative and harmful rays of the world, but it is constructed so that the good can enter.