The Sploomer

"Ehhhh, quite swampy in here..."
dark splash mud puddle cave wall
"Am I in some kind of swamp,... in side of a cave...."
big little creative swampy cricket leg
"Hold on..... what's that...."
eerier trickle luminous mothlike tender touch
"I think I'm...... coming into the light......."
I think he dropped his hat.

Imagine: you are becoming a ploomer (one who plooms). The transformation is gradual but certain. Failing vision, engorged "butt crack", wet stains on hands at all times, significant interest in pipe structures

NOTIONS

SPLOOMER THROUGH THE AGES, INSTALLMENT I: THE ANCIENT AGE
The descriptions of each of these photographic pieces elaborate on the nature of The Sploomer. How the figure changes, evolves , and maturitates based on the time he passes under.
FIGURE 1: THE PRIME SPLOOMER (prime age)
Prime sploomer was first in all. He was jerking off by sticking his own dick between his t**s one day (was a hermaphrodyte) and was going hard as per usual. He came all over his bedsheets and was real embarrased and shook em out and got dusty cm all over the place. From this dust congealed the world of Four Chan, the mysthical internet Shangri-La so many cyber-wayfarers dream of one day StumblingUpon. Prime Sploomer fell deeply in apathy with his own creation and simply left it on his floor to collect dust (real dust, not goofy cm dust). His favorite food is Sagittarius
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FIGURE 2: CAVE SPLOOMER (ice caves times)
Sploomer began to populate Four Chan when it was young and wild and nothing but a big honeycomb network of ice caves and mammoth s**t. They all worked 9 to 5 seven days a week and thus had very little time to stay and chat (as this cave painting shows.) They all worked in one big spearhead factory run by a guy named Benjamin Franklin No Relation who, as far as anyone can tell, is still alive today, even though his head is pierced by 72 bronze spears. Cave Sploomer begins his life with one eye on either side of his head, but one eye gradually moves to the other side of the head as he reaches s*xual maturity.
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FIGURE 3: THE OLD KINGDOM SPLOOMER (egypt times)
Sploomer was a health nut way back when. His big fat mama told him DON'T EAT TO MANY VEGETABLES OR YOUR GOING TOO BECOME ONE YOU'RESELF. He didnt listen and ate several vegetables ata time and drank an Orange Julius right up his a**s just to spite her. Over the course of forty hours (or forty-three, still a hot debate by Four Chanthropologists today) he changed into some sort of twisted horrifying vegetable being and caused his mother to retch and retch until she died of dehydration. Or so the legend goes. He likes it when rent goes higher and he really likes inflation and other wierd things.
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FIGURE 4: ROMAN SPLOOMER (roman times)
Roman sploomer was addicted to e-juice and has 3 disciples. Rand Paul , Spoomer and Chadvirginkillermachine69. They all want him to stop puffing on his e cig all the time but he just wont. He wont stop puffing every waking moment of the day. He invented aqueducts to supply a big giant communal bath full of e juice taht he and his cousins could "have s*x" inside. He killed Carthage and the Automans or something else too but the main takeaway here is that he was absolutely attached to that E cigarette of his. HE is also the only person on the planet who has listened to an entire Bob Marley song from start to finish.
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FIGURE 5: LANGUAGE SPLOOMER (foreign language era)
man I wish i could read this s**t bc it's all in some wackadoo dialect of pidgin but it all seems like bad news and moldy pits about this guy. His skin is really really easy to tear and he weeps a grey fluid constantly because his skin is sensitive. He was the inventor of something that I cant really read but it looks something like "rust hamburger f***s strap-on." He scratches from behind bathroom mirrors when he knows you're low on pills and if you say his real name around a bowl of fruit, it immediately rots and sprouts live earthworms that die seconds later. Anyways it says I've gotta pay premium to read past here with adblocker on so I guess I'll have to stop

MEN WITH BIG SHOUTING HEADS DIE AND BECOME BIG SILENT SKULLS. THE SPLOOMER LIVES ON

I START TEASING YOU.

DUE TO A TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY, PHOTO PROGRAM "SPLOOMER THROUGH THE AGES" IS DELAYED INDETERMINATELY. IT WILL BE TONIGHT THOUGH (PST)