Sommers Counseling

Wish there was a way to systematically and efficiently remove bad or misleading advice people get about mental health on the Internet.

🟢 Majority of concepts are complicated and can't be summarized in nice neat easily digested bites

🟢 Majority of content that is suggested will feel validating, not confronting or challenge you which is what growth actually is.

🟢 Even good tips and good content need to have an asterisk that it ONLY applies to this type of issue.

🟢 IMO the biggest thing I see is that the content cultivates back and white thinking ie(must use boundaries all the time in a rigid fashion) and ignores how almost all these concepts exist on a continuum where balance is necessary.

Rant over ✌🏼

When your partner approaches the conversation emotionally...ie, worried, upset, angry...etc it is very tempting for you guys to remain "level headed" and respond rationally and from an intellectual perspective.

While this works often, for some partners this will feel dismissive or potentially that you are deflecting. If this is the way it's perceived by them you'll find that the conflict worsens more often than it diffuses.

Focus on connecting and/or at least demonstrating you understand where they're coming from before you respond from that intellectual frame of reference. 👊🏼

Many of us can get really triggered when our S.O. is having big emotions and that trigger can lead to reactions (defensive, withdrawal...etc) that most likely will lead to conflict.

Embrace the feeling and seek to understand (from their perspective) before you do anything else. ✌🏼